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Person. Charge retroactively for rent
A dead person, preferably - although it would be a little surprising for me as I live in a new-build.
On second thought, using that caveat 1000 dead roaches would be better.
How many people did the construction crew start and end with… If it’s a difference of one…
I guess they were in a rush to finish before Christmas (we moved in on Christmas Eve). Also, I’ve never actually opened the loft hatch…
Mob owned construction company
Better check your foundation too
One might expect 1000 roaches in the attic; ain’t nobody expecting a person.
You can kill one person. You can’t kill 1000 roaches.
Bro, it’s not a CEO, they have human rights.
But what if they are 🧐
In that case I definitely choose the 1000 roaches
not for long
1000 persons.
as someone that has a person living in their attic … FOR FREE, RUPERT … I would say neither.
At least you don’t have to explain roaches to the cops.
Loophole, it doesn’t mention if either is alive
It very clearly does state “living in your attic”
What is truly living
I love these! My favorite one is, “if you were forced to shove a whole pineapple up your ass, as a matter of life and death, would you insert it top or bottom first?”
Keep in mind, you’ll need to get it back out once it’s in.
Keep in mind, you’ll need to get it back out once it’s in.
Why’s that?
death
I mean, if it has to go in whole, does it need to come out whole? Or can we cut that bitch up once it’s in?
Additional tools are not allowed. You’re welcome to attempt to crush it with your pelvic floor muscles.
Never skip kegel day.
Well I know what I’m going to think about all morning now.
As long as the manner of death is quick enough and relatively painless, I don’t have to even give it a second thought.
Bottom first. The leaves would serve as a flared end and a handle. You’d want it to be ripe-ish I imagine. Ripe enough to have a little give, but not ripe enough that the leaves come out too easily.
Pineapples also come in different sizes, I’ve seen some homegrown ones posted on Lemmy that seem…manageable.
Just keep in mind that the hard, pointed spikes on the outside face up, so you’ll be pulling it out against them.
If you do top first you get the harder part over with, and then have plenty of blood to lubricate the way out.
It’s a horrific image but it’s the right way to go. You’ll simply never, under any circumstances, make it work the other way.
I mean it won’t work either way but if you don’t fucking die by the end of it at least you could theoretically get patched up.
The human anus can stretch up to 7 in. (18 cm.) before taking damage.
The average pineapple is 6 in. (15 cm.) in diameter.
You got this.
Without training? :o
Just taaaaaap it in, just give it a little tappy. Tap tap taparoo. You got this.
Phrasing it like that means death is still a choice.
With or without leaves?
Asking the big questions.
I like the body swap sex one. would you rather have sex with your SO in your respective parent’s body, or your parent in your SO’s body.
:(
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oh yeah, i would let David Attenborough live in my attic any day of the week.
Someone who just desperately needed shelter? Okay, fine. Someone who is caked in their own waste, with insane ramblings scrawled across their skin in blood? Uh, bring on the roaches, I guess.
Considering the overlap between homelessness and untreated mental disorders, sadly both of your descriptions are likely to fit the potential attic-dweller.
Right, “just” is carrying a lot of weight here
Didn’t worry, they brought their own roaches as well
FML
Person. Odds are that they’re not as bad as media has been trying to convince us that we are; that said, 1k(4) cockroaches can still be managed with enough effort
I’m sorry but 1K^4 is a trillion cockroaches in which case you have Time Lord Technology in your attic
1000 half burned joints please.
Person, easily. 1k roaches means i’m bound to find another 1k all around the house on the following weeks.
Roaches don’t survive in my climate, bring 'em on. (Also, millennials have no idea what it’s like to own a home so what’s an “attic”?)
Person, easy
If I hadn’t noticed them before now, then they’re a spectacular neighbor
