That there’s a loving God.

Now it seems clear that even if he did exist, he’s just above average asshole

There was a place by the beach called Helenback.

My siblings and I in the car: Where are we going?

Mum (shouting): Hell and back!

I was an adult before I realised it had another name.

I thought that dogs were boys and cats were girls. No idea why.

Its funny, my niece made it to like 8 thinking that aunts were adults and uncles were kids. She had one young uncle, and me. Called me “Auntie Phanto.” I still haven’t lived it down.

I thought that if you swallowed your gum, it would stay in your stomach forever, so you had to make sure to never do it because eventually there would be no room for food anymore.

Also, old CRT TVs had this static electricity sort of fuzzy feeling on the screen, and if you ran your hand over it, it would dissipate. I thought that by doing that, you were absorbing the TVs power and if you did it too much, it would eventually stop working.

Lastly, I believed with all my heart that all the pets you ever owned were waiting for you in heaven and it made me mad when my (very devout Catholic) grandma told me that pets and animals don’t have souls and so they didn’t go to heaven. I said if that was true then I didn’t want to go to heaven! I’m atheist now, so I don’t even believe that anyone goes to heaven, but if anyone deserves to go, it’s all the kitties, puppies, and various rodentia I’ve loved in my life.

That there was a disembodied head that lived in the toilet at night.

I believed that you’d only get a finite amount of words in your life. So I didn’t speak much and I would think that the annoying kids in school that always were talking through the teacher’s explanation, would get their punishment later in life when they’d go mute because they would have used up all their words.