I’ll never understand how difficult people make things by not being forthright and making things awkward:
“Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?”
“…I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I had asked you on a hike as a fun first date, I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend. I’m going to bow out of this, but I can give you the hike info if you want to take him.” And then you laugh about the misunderstanding the next work day, and keep things at work from then on. No reason for it to get bad. Flirting is still fun! Just leave it at that without expecting anything more.
Don’t flirt with someone single if you’re not interested, don’t flirt with someone in a relationship if you’re not interesting in breaking it.
It’s just that simple.
I wonder if you have a different definition of flirting, because the end goal of flirting is not necessarily to gain a relationship.
Unless you make it extremely clear from the get go that it’s just for fun then flirting with someone you’re not interested in is risky and even if it was made clear, there’s always a risk something will develop on one side.
It’s never this cut and dry in real life though. People often misinterpret others’ actions as flirting when they’re just being friendly. For some people, a woman smiling and making eye contact is flirting. It’s not on the person who’s being friendly “to make it extremely clear from the get go” that they aren’t interested in going out with you. It was on anon to ask this woman if she was single if he wanted to ask her out
Some people think flirting means they want more.
“Why can’t men understand hints?”
Theres a lot to unpack here, but really OP made a mistake by asking to go hiking. Thats a terrible first date idea and also isnt inherently date-y. Likely he was just missreading her kindness as flirting, but if he had asked her to dinner or coffee brunch it would’ve made his intentions more clear to her.
Not that it really matters because its fake and gay anyways.
Well, I read like a hundred times that going for a coffee is an incredibly boring date idea and doing some activity you both actually enjoy is much better.
For what it’s worth, I hate the idea of a coffee / dinner date. Seems incredibly forced and like some kind of an interview. Though, I’m not dating and not interested in doing it, so I might be completely out of touch.
Coffee is a great first date if you met on a dating app. It’s a public location where you can both meet in person for the first time and chat but neither of you is forced to stay if things aren’t shaping up how you expected.
But if you already know each other then yeah, coffee isn’t much of a date.
Yeah, I guess it does makes sense if you’re meeting with a complete stranger. Personally I would still prefer something like a walk in the park but this probably just comes down to personal preference.
It’s a safety thing too. Most girls want a public place for a first date. Especially from an app. A park is romantic and nice but offers little in safety depending on the size, location and popularity of the area. So, grab a coffee first. Then suggest a walk around if you want to get a little closer. No need to stay at the coffee house but a park for a first meet can sounds like a frightening proposal for a single woman.
I’ve been there. Used to work with a girl, had a huge crush on her and I assumed she did me as well. She used to hang out, we’d get lunch every day, she would sing songs at her desk and substitute my name, flirting was obvious to me and everyone in the place assumed we were in a relationship. Until I finally had the courage to ask her out.
She was completely surprised.
Oh well, live and learn. Eventually found my wife and here we are almost 20 years later with kids. Eventually the right one will click.
I’m actually in a situation somewhat like this. A girl our online group knows became somewhat fixated on me. She wants to talk all the time, fantasizes about us living together, but I know she has a long term bf. She isn’t happy with him, but still, they love together and we know him, so it’s fairly inappropriate.
fake, anon had a girl interested in him
gay, he almost had a three way
Love this community for keeping up with the 4chan spirit no matter what.
There’s always a comment under every post explaining how it’s fake and anon is gay.
Completely possible anon was a creep and she felt uncomfortable saying no.
I don’t get why anon believes he is being used. It was a miscommunication, sure. Did he spend money on her before this? Using him as a ride to go on a hike? Hikes being extremely cheap and only needing to pay parking, usually.
