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I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭
Only thing that’s got me better is the beans story.
This isn’t real, you’re just baiting because it’s lemmy… Right? …Right?
I did choose my wording purposefully due to our relationship with beans, but I assure you it’s real and worth finding
There’s too many beans stories and search sucks these days… I just went on a tangent and read my daily limit of green texts
It is fun to know there’s a story out there I’ve yet to come across though, I’m sure I’ll stumble upon it someday
Apologies friend, I’m having trouble finding it myself. But it’s a longer, more elaborate version of the “this nigga eating beans” meme that really punches it up with that greentext storytelling flair. If I ever find it again, I’ll post it here in your honor.
Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.
What story is that?
Search for “Sugar free gummy bears review”. There are a TON of super funny stories out there. All of them meme worthy
Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.
The artificial sweetener in question is maltitol.
Also, under no circumstances should you ever use it to make jello shots and give them to your asshole neighbor for the party they’re about to host
I thought it was xylitol?
it was actually head onNo, maltitol is the one that gives everyone the immediate shits.
Personally, I use erythritol as a sugar replacer. While it can cause some bowel activity in large amounts, it takes a few hours to kick in and is more akin to eating a bunch of fiber
Not one, but a full bag of them.
Not a full bag, just a few gummy bears. Maltitol is not to be trifled with
Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most people’s digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.
I think this is the most famous.
They have apparently changed the recipe since then.
The story of peanutbitter
What’s that?
It was a funnyjunk user who ate a whole bag of sugar free gummy bears and showed what the aftermath was of that decision
This was the funniest story I have ever had
Funniest story so far!
DRINK MORE WATEEEEER!!
Had a similar experience when I ate fiber cereal as a kid, it was only one day of constipation though. I remember thinking I hadn’t pooped and that was weird, I woke up the next day, brushed my teeth and as I walked out of the bathroom I felt something DROP and went “OH GOD!” and ran back in and barely made it to the toilet. I was late for school that day.
Oh gods Thank you for this I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!
You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.
And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆
I watched this with my wife and we both cried laughing
Thank you. This is glorious!
Hahaha omg that’s hilarious. I hope he lived
He has a bunch more where he eats a cactus and a bunch of other weird crap.
The old stuff (decade+ old) is the good stuff
I can’t believe that guy is still active. Or alive.
.
Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂
I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext…holy shit. I’m in tears laughing. Thanks!
Fiber teaches us lessons in moderation. I’ve been backed up by its overabundance and I’ve been backed up by its absence.
and if you go from 0 to 100% RDI instantly you get constant diarrhoea
fibre really covers the full spectrum of brown shades
This is one of my favorite greentexts ever
I literally have to take metamucil daily to not shit liquid multiple times daily. It is baaaaad. But when my stomach has been super irritated for a while because I haven’t been keeping up with it that first properly fibered shit feels like a kitchen sponge running all the way through me. I feel so clean afterwards. I’m convinced it’s the only real “cleanse.”
Bro forgot to drink more water too
you don’t necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water
Soup might do the trick, but stuff like coca cola definitely doesn’t.
People say that a terrible diet will make you die earlier and that doesn’t scare anybody. They should be telling that before dying there will be several years where you’ll need to use your hands to scoop the shit out of your ass.
Water based cooking wins again.
You know you’re just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?
no I’m not drinking, I’m eating
you… chew… soup?
Oh boy, I can’t wait to get the coast and drink some chowder
- I like my water like I like my vitamins. CHEWABLE
I too love chewing ice.
But your tooth enamel certainly doesn’t :<
Oh, it can’t be that bad.
googles it
Oh fuck.
snow?
something something bottled water left in the sun something microplastics.
What the Shakespearean green text is this…
Dude, just have oatmeal for breakfast and eat whatever the rest of the time.
How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.
Had a similar, but multiple factors smaller situation when I ate a bunch of celery and cheez whiz for a ‘snack’. Felt like I was shitting out a two by four.
‘my guts are yelling in German’ lmao
Moose in heat living in my belly.
Gondor calls for aid
These two lines caused a laughter which almost depleted my oxygen.
Well some weight was lost, at least
