The context makes it worse, but I’m just trying to gauge how fucked up normal people would find this, because being raised by this kind of person messed with my calibration.
Very. When I want to get off, I don’t want my Mum involved.
The only thing more fucked up is if you broke both arms.
Not even with broken arms?
Why must I keep being reminded of this :(
If anyone isn’t familiar: they’re referencing a rather touching story, definitely Google it.
Touching is the right verb.
Your poor mother with broken arms most certainly should’nt be involved.
this isn’t reddit
Haha I know a /r/neverbrokeabone member when I see one.
This is the internet!
Pretty fucking weird.
This is rather high on the cringe list.
It’s entirely possible for a mother & son to have a loving, honest, and very Open relationship. They can discuss anything and be supportive.
Giving that kind of gift could fit right in with the dynamic. Or, a family could enjoy giving “gag gifts” and it could be one of those.
It does not have to be a weird or bizarre gift.
I fall into the latter category. At one point while I was growing up my dad gave my recently-divorced aunt a glow-in-the-dark vibrator for Christmas, and everyone thought it was hilarious. My sister and I had to pretend we didn’t understand what it was. Grandma I think maybe actually didn’t know what it was.
I definitely also have known people who would be mortified to even hear that story, much less have it happen to them. It really does just depend on the dynamic.
Yeppers
Yeah, context is very important. It goes from fucking weird, to funny depending.
True, fair, and open minded. But if that were the case, though, then the question wouldn’t need to be asked.
“Wanking wasn’t enough? You’ve no hands?!” was my first thought, bringing back some Reddit core memories, lol.
Ofc it’s weird AF. Promoting hedonism and oversexualization is weird and immoral in general, but your own mom doing that to you sounds traumatic too… Sorry, OP. This is the kind of stuff you either take to the grave or share only when you find an extremely understanding lady. :/
And purely out of curiosity, where are you from?
Everyone knows masturbation is hedonistic and immoral!
And purely out of curiosity, what religion does your username imply?
I didn’t say masturbation, in the traditional sense, was something so outrageous and immoral. I understand the urges of the flesh because I too am a person (a healthily horny man at that!), but fleshlights are definitely too much. It’s advanced gooning. Your mom promoting it and buying you sex toys is weird AF and concerning (what’s next, she’s gonna pay for your OF subscriptions? Pay for your first hooker threesome? 🤔), and the fact I even have to spell it out is, well, I’d like to say surprising and disappointing but it isn’t, not really. I know who I’m talking to here, after all.
And Muslim non-sectarian!
The only time a fleshlight is too much is on a public bus.
At home you can jerk off with anything you’d like as long as it’s consenting and not underage.
Did you mean “the only time it’s illegal”? Cause, sure, I guess. But this is my opinion, and I think it’s too much. I bet there are things that feel like “too much” for you too!
No I said what I meant if you need clarification read my comment again.
Enjoy the fleshlight and don’t let my opinion disturb you. You’ve chosen your path, and I have chosen mine.
Their head would explode if they saw my drawer of 1-2k USD of bad dragon dildos, vibrators, clit suckers, masturbators, plugs, beads, and more…
😱 Is this just for fun or are you a professional? 2k on sex toys… Maybe I’m just too poor to get it but that’s a bit too much for ANY kind of toy collection, lol.
That’s just for myself and my partner hahaha. We don’t do any sort of work or share or anything. We just like to try new things.
Well, I guess anal beads are cheaper than a trip to Bali, lol. Enjoy yourselves. 👍
I’m pretty fucked up as a person, and I think this would be weird as all fuck. I think most people consider fleshlights pretty taboo to begin with.
Pretty weird.
That’s old enough they can buy their own.
Is it like a really passive aggressive sign mom doesn’t like their gf?
I’d be super curious to hear the context if you’re willing/able to share, but it all depends on the relationship between the mother and son. It strikes me as a bit weird and abnormal, and certainly embarrassing, but if you normally talk about sex in an open and healthy way with her, then this might not be as weird as it seems. Parents know their kids play with themselves, and it’s usually healthier to be open about it than to stigmatize it, but actively buying this kind of thing for her son is a bit much in my opinion…
He’s slightly intellectually disabled (if she had permitted him to have an education, he’d probably be normal) and she was obsessed with him. His sexuality was something that was very “open” to the family, like we all knew about his Megan Fox poster with a hole in it (which she bought for him) and the used tissues in his room were… excessive. Never cleaned up, could smell it in my room.
At one point he chased me and my younger sister around the house waving his penis at us.
I experienced something complicated from her, which toes the line around sexual abuse but isn’t as direct as “she diddled me.”
I’m of course the black sheep and have zero contact with anyone other than my sister now for having pointed out how weird/abusive the family dynamics were…
He has been sexually abused by her, perhaps covertly. There is enough in what you described that if I was a mandated reporter, I’d be making a call. From what I know of CSA, he has multiple flags and signs of being sexually abused.
Highly recommend, when you feel okay to do so, to look up emotional incest first, and parentification/adultification. That will explain how your mother has been grooming your brother to be her stand-in husband. The reason she didn’t want him to go to school is because a husband her age wouldn’t go to school.
It sounds like your mom also had an emotionally incestuous relationship with you as well, so reading that material can be extremely “triggering” for you. My sincere condolences, it is very traumatizing. Reading about it can bring up old memories as your brain tries to organize old memories with this new information. Often people get tired, agitated, or even regress in age. Give yourself plenty of time to mentally adjust and read and lots of breaks outside walking around, ideally in nature, w eyeballs moving around and looking up at trees or clouds. OR you can try to play a game like Tetris afterwards (Tetris is specifically studied as being helpful for PTSD/trauma).
I will also rec the book The Borderline Mother, I’m not sure this applies to her at all, but my guess is that it does
And if it does, also recommend the book Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. Likely you already do much of this which is why you’re the “black sheep” (aka you dont give her supply).
Oh, almost everything in that reddit post resonates with me over my experience with my mom.
That’s a lot to take in. Thanks for sharing. Oof
To be honest, opening this knowledge up can be overwhelming and can take years. Take your time with it. I still get new memories of abuse that my brain had sort of locked away, it gets easier to assimilate over time though once you have a good foundation/framework for the trauma. The 2 best things for you to remember, is that 1) your mom’s traits are hers, not automatically yours or every mom’s or every woman’s, because she has her own mental illness that is just a “her” thing and 2) good rolemodels you had as a kid besides her, even teachers or therapists or TV personalities
Actually your first point is currently what I am worrying over. I went back and read through the whole thing but with me as a parent as the perspective and was trying to see if I am doing any of it as well.
I can’t stop reading and it’s midnight and I should stop reading. Lol. Feels like I opened a can of worms.
There’s always tomorrow. It’s a good sign you don’t want to be like the person who hurt you and already differentiates you from them as a parent. You are already doing better than your mom by thinking that.
That “worms” feeling and the staying up late is because your brain is using histamine and adrenaline (plus other stuff) to make a lot of neural connections that were already close by. It will mildly restrict blood flow from smaller capillaries too. You can keep that busy or more switched off mentally by exercising and especially doing something that moves your eyes and the muscles under your eyes, eg face yoga. That gets the circulation going back into the small capillaries and helps you reset biochemically. Even just flexing your undereyes (like John Wayne squints) will encourage blood flow in your face and help.
It is a lot of work and pain now, but it is absolutely worth it to see through the bullshit and heal yourself. I am a happier person for it 1000%. It’s worth it to be brave but go slow and don’t push it. Take breaks.
Therapists can be hit or miss (a bad one is worse than no therapist), but you can find one that specializes in BPD that can help guide you (not that you per se have it, but they work with it a lot and can help you understand it really well). BPD, even residual fleas from parents, is VERY treatable with dialectal behavior therapy and talk therapy as long as the person wants to learn and the therapist is adequate (some aren’t).
Thank you for all the responses, I promise I am reading it all I just don’t have much to say back and I think if I did it would mostly be trauma dumping.
I will genuinely try the face yoga. Anyways, thank you. I hope you continue to be happier :)
In that situation id say a fleshlight without a serious theraputic intervention on how to express sexuality in a healthy way is nothing but enabling very dangerous behaviors.
That does help explain the strangeness of the whole thing, thanks for sharing. Sounds like things were pretty tough for you, so I’m sorry for that.
It sounds like he is a bit oversexualized (not sure if that’s the right term), but it doesn’t seem like it’s anything too out of the ordinary for someone figuring themselves out. Many of us probably pushed things a bit too far when we were little, I certainly didn’t understand how uncomfortable it made people for me to run around the house naked when I was young. But we all test boundaries like that when we’re growing up, and usually the adults around us help us find the right boundaries, not stretch them.
So yeah, with that new context, giving a fleshlight to her 18 year old son is very odd, and does raise some red flags. Sounds like you made the right call cutting things off.
Dude, no. That is all super problematic.
Dude you buried the lede here.
I’m pretty sex positive and there are a lot of great suggestions from other users on how to make this a normal thing in normal dynamics…
But this makes it really weird
Agreed.
Both sides of my family are sex positive and a sex toy could work as a gag gift no problem.
We’re talking Christmas white elephant (that’s a present swap/steal thing) with adults only and sex toys/kits coming out.
In context this sounds like an abuse victim sadly.
If context makes it worse then were already not in a good place my guy
If as a joke, the humor is fucked. If legit, it’s double fucked.
Super fucking weird
It’s certainly abnormal.
But abnormal doesn’t mean bad. At all.I actually think it’s a thoughtful honest appropriate gift. That kind of thing should be more common.
It depends - are their arms broken?
In that case why would they need a fleshlight?
You can mount them on a wall.
The mother?
Might need a big hook.
Physical therapy tool for when their arms heal and mom is at work
a semi obscure Reddit reference appears
It’s an older meme, but it checks out.
14 years ago, just checked. Here’s the link, just in case there’s someone who never heard of this story:
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/
jesus wtf did i just read…
A modern classic!
I… Uh… Might have been raised in a culture that is quite different from yours, but I’d say very abnormal.
If your brother was 17, and your mother did this, and a mandatory reporter found out they would be calling CPS - level of abnormal.
