I don’t know about every night but I know plenty of dudes who have a watering hole they go to weekly.
Still do?
I don’t drink anymore, but yeah. Those people you see in dive bars are often daily customers.
Yes, my dad was one of them. I haven’t gone to a bar for years but it used to be most smaller bars had at least a few regulars that basically lived there. I remember one old vet that used to show up every day as soon as the bar would open for his daily fix… It got to the point the bar refused to serve him, so he would try and get unsuspecting customers to buy them for him. (This was in the 70’s and 80’s, there were (or at least seemed to be) a lot more alcoholics back then.)
I’ve never been a big drinker but I have a few places around me where beer is $3. And the actual place my wife and I go if we do feel like drinking is our local VFW. I can get a 24 oz frosty on tap for like 2.50. and a jack and coke for 3. Last time we went out drinking spent like $30 total and we were both drunk
Damn - I’m in Seattle and it’s rare to find $6 drafts anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn’t want to spend that much everyday, I’ll just have some beers at home for 1/5th the price
The extra price was so they weren’t drinking alone, or to avoid going home.
I remember one old vet that used to show up every day as soon as the bar would open for his daily fix… It got to the point the bar refused to serve him
So he’d go to this bar during business hours to drink. And this went on to the point where they stopped serving him? Something is missing from the middle of this story…
I remember stories from my dad about a guy he knew where the bar maid would have to help him with the first drink in the morning because his hands would shake so much.
The romantic history of the happy drunk is almost entirely fictional. I say almost because I know a few people who are able to take it or leave it, but for the most part the people I know/knew who were drinking either in bunches or daily end up complete and unabridged alcoholics, whether they are active and in serious trouble or have sought help and straightened up, but cannot touch it.
I’m one of the rare happy drunks. Don’t drink often, I’m an extremely quiet person usually. But get a few beers in me and my wife says I won’t shut up but she also says it’s the only time she gets to talk to me. I don’t know why, I can’t hold a conversation when I’m sober. Never know what to talk about, my work life is boring so nothing interesting ever happens.
When I have a few, it’s likeeverything just starts coming out.
You sound very much like me.
When sober I’m Mr doesn’t talk a lot (but I will listen) after a beer or two I’m away with the chat.
I become become very vocal…
Yes, and it still is to certain folk.
I think with sugar and alcohol taxes, a lot of establishments had to change to survive.
There’s a reason prohibition happened. Alcohol consumption back then was 3x higher than it is now, so it was not uncommon for men to get off work, go blow their paychecks at the bar, then go home and beat their wives.
Back in the day, they’d be getting drunk AT work.
Then they’d go to the bar and get wrecked.
Idk how common it was but it’s a good example of a “third place”. A spot that isn’t work or home where you can meet and socialize
I wish we could have third places that don’t involve fucking up your body.
Hacker/makerspace.Coffee/tea shops. Library. Community Center.
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For the non religious, that’s where clubs like the Shriners, or Lions come in. Social clubs that don’t revolve entirely around alcohol
It used to be the Mall. It was always a place to hang out, meet friends, window shop, eat, see a movie, etc.
When I was a kid, the local mall even included the local library. I thought that was a great idea, but I never saw another mall with a library.
Even with NA (low/non-alcoholic) beverages, it’d be nice to have third places that don’t come with an obligation to spend money.
To be clear, I’m not asking for places that ban spending money, but there are third places like parks (eg NYC Central Park) that are destinations in their own right, but one can also spend money there, such as buying stuff and having a picnic on the grass, or bringing board games and meeting up with friends. Or strolling the grounds astride rental e-bikes. Or free yoga.
Where there’s an open space, people make use of it. But we don’t really have much of that in the USA, that isn’t tied up as a parking lot, an open-space preserve (where people shouldn’t tred upon to protect wildlife), or are beyond reasonable distances (eg BLM land in the middle of Nevada).
Church
People downvote, but you’re not wrong and it’s probably the most common example in rural areas
Even if you find one where there isn’t an emphasis on tithes or donation, that’s not exactly a space set up for public socializing. It’s a private space, used by a dedicated and defined group, for socializing within that group. Outsiders may be welcome, but they’re only welcome within that structure.
Aye, was just an example.
Okay, it was a bad one.
Okay then. Forest heroin den.
We need church without religion
There are several non religious ethical groups to spend time with.
I tried to get you links but I ran out of time before having to do other responsibilities.
Depending on the community near you, Unitarian Universalists sometimes have basically that. I’ve been an atheist since I was four, but I have no problem with other people being religious and it was perfect for me. If you’re the type to be annoyed by people talking about the universe in a way that suggests the supernatural, you might not want to deal with even the UU’s very mild language. When I went as a kid, we learned about volcanoes in Sunday School, as a gauge for how religious they are.
Or if you want evil church without religion, can I interest you in crossfit?
That’s like a car without wheels
We have those. They’re called boats.
That’s not a car
I jokingly asked my wife if she’d go to basically church but reading from Marx instead and despite neither of us being marxists it actually sounded like something we’d go to
But also seriously look into if you have a local community center or library and what events they host. Stuff like that often struggles to find attendees
I do think there’s a special thing about church that is this bigger than yourself experience that you share with your community that just isn’t quite replicated in events like art clubs or whatever, volunteering is probably closer
It’s the fact that church comes with an actual presupposition that it isn’t optional, while de facto being optional.
Going to church (in contexts where denomination shopping isn’t a thing at least) means going to a place where a person is not there to validate your particular perspective but instead often to tell you and everyone else in the group to do better, publicly, not because they’re better but because they appeal to higher principles whose correctness is taken for granted buly the congregation.
See also: the absolute brain lottery winners on the internet bitching that the pope isn’t a real catholic for telling them they’re bad catholics (arguably bad christians in general, definitely bad people) for dehumanising poor people and immigrants legal and illegal.
I’m far from a catholic (that is, I’m actually a lapsed catholic if you ask the church, but I was never a believer, just born into it) but there just isn’t a space where you’re going to participate, respect the ethics and morals, still fall short of them, be chastised, and be forgiven, that doesn’t involve some religious aspect.
I do think there’s a special thing about church that is this bigger than yourself experience
I’m pretty sure that’s only the case if you’re a believer. And, in general, people who aren’t believers don’t go to church, so you’re selecting for a group of people who want to believe in something bigger than themselves.
Parks and libraries are really nice. Most other third places seem to want you to spend money, that’s my experience here in northern Europe anyway.
Also, in places with significant winters (including Northern Europe) parks aren’t an option in winter.
Northern Europe seems like the kind of place that would realize this is a problem and invent some kind of community building which was open in the winter and had a shared kitchen, a stock of board games, a court for indoor sports, etc. That’s certainly not going to happen in the US.
In Northern Europe, that’s called a library.
The one in Helsinki has board games, media stations for watching films or listening to music, gaming consoles, PCs with design and CAD software, VR rooms, 3D printers and other fabrication machines, conference rooms, study rooms, workshops for fixing things, recording and photo studios, a shared kitchen, a cinema, a playground…Oh, and books.
Wow. My local library mostly has books. No board games. No media stations – there are some (old) computers you can use to browse the web, so I suppose you could watch media there, but it’s set up as a desk, not a couch or something. You can borrow some games, but not game consoles, and there’s definitely not a spot to play the games on-site. Definitely no VR rooms. There’s one branch of the library in the city that has 3d printers. One branch that has a “music editing station” with a music keyboard attached to a computer. One branch has a high quality, large format scanner for scanning historic docs. Definitely no kitchen or playground.
The idea still seems to be that libraries are supposed to be quiet places where you can read books or study. Any media is meant to be consumed with headphones on, so obviously no shared listening of any kind. They do loan music, video games and movies, but they’re meant to be brought home. You can borrow a lot of musical instruments, but again, there’s no place to play them on-site because the library is a quiet place for reading or studying.
I think it would take a major mental shift for people here to consider libraries as places where you might do something non-quiet, and/or non-serious. And something like cooking on-site would be seen as completely non-librarylike.
The one in Helsinki is separated into 3 floors, 1 of them is for quiet reading.
You mean like the YMCA?
Well, definitely not a Christian association.
Nothing religious about the Y anymore. For many years
Everywhere I’ve lived in the US has had plenty of public parks. As a teenager I’d hang out with my friends in them. Hell I’ve been to big community picnics at a park.
The thing is it’s easier to hang out online all the time and people aren’t looking to socialize at parks when there aren’t events.
The problem is in parks everyone is too spread out to talk to strangers. There needs to be a park with a bar to bring everyone together.
I’d say the qualities of the average American park leaves much to be desired, when compared to NYC Central Park, San Diego’s Balboa Park, or SF’s Presidio.
In suburban areas, the municipal park tends to be a monoculture of grass plus maybe a playground, a parking lot, and if lucky, a usable bathroom. Regional parks are often nicer, with amenities like pickleball courts or a BMX park, though asking for benches (not rocks or concrete verges, but actually bench seats) and shade might be a stretch.
My point is that the USA has fewer parks and public squares than it ought to. I don’t mean just a place to go jogging or to push a stroller along, but a proper third space where people actively spend time and create value at. Where street vendors congregate because that’s also where people congregate. A place that people – voluntarily, not by necessity – would like to be. A destination in its own right, where even tourists will drop by and take in the air, the sights, and the social interactions.
Meanwhile, some parts of the USA actively sabotage their parks, replacing normal park furniture with versions that are actively hostile to homeless people, while alienating anyone that just wants an armrest as they sit down. Other municipalities spend their Parks & Rec funds on the bare minimum of parks, lots that are impractically tiny. Why? Because a public park can be used to exclude registered sex offenders from a neighborhood, leading to the ludicrous situation where whole cities are an exclusion zone. Regardless of one’s position on how to punish sex offenses, the denial of housing and basic existence is, at best, counterproductive.
So I reiterate: the USA might have a good quantity of parks, but not exactly good quality of parks. People will socialize online unless they are given actual options to socialize elsewhere. And IRL options would build value locally, whereas online communities only accrue to the benefit of the platforms (eg Facebook, WhatsApp) they run on.
Honestly I’m cool with fucking up my body to have a good time, I just wish it didn’t cost me $200 for the privelege.
Check your library. They do all kinds of activities.
I regularly do. They are 95% for parents to dump their kids for a few hours, and the the rest manage to suck even more.
I should tbh
Your local gym? CrossFit box? Football/soccer club? Community centre? Library? Outdoor? Scouts?
Community center and library sure, I wouldn’t really consider the rest a third space.
Depending on the gym, some are a lot more third-spacey than others. I’ve been to a smaller gym where people just hang around after their workouts to socialize, with occasional impromptu dinner outings when the gym closed for the night. I miss that place. You still meet people at bigger commercial gyms, but it’s not the same.
May I introduce you to your lord and savior Jesus Christ? He’s got a third place for you.
N o
😂
On the reals, I have an atheist friend who started volunteering at a church literally for this reason. I totally understood where he was coming from. If I didn’t have a family and wanted a way to spend time with other people, I’d probably do the same.
Yeah I mean I have family who’ve worked at them before, I get it but I can’t support something I feel causes so much harm
I’ve never heard of a concept of a third place. Seems like everybody should have one.
Yeah. My husband went out to the pub 6 nights a week. He’s no longer drinking - quit last year - finally! (I quit in 2009)
Seriously, alcohol is overrated.
Yes, and in some places especially small towns, it is for some people, since it’s the main hangout spot (3rd place) in town.
Though I don’t think young people do that as much, “regulars” tend to mean 1-3 times a week. My university had a bar that had a “ritual” where Friday afternoons it would be a completely full house.
When I was younger I did this and it was the best part of my life. Having a place to go where everyone was welcome was very nice
Did everybody know your name?
and they were always glad you came
Norm!
Morn!
Did this (Mon-Sat) together with a few friends and colleagues in my late 20s. We were regulars to the point of the cook always making something off menu more fitting for regular dinner, as well as no need to settle the bill every night. Once a month everything was tallied up.
Good times. Had to stop though since I found myself going through the fridge on a Sunday once looking for some alcohol.
edit: This was the tail end of the 90s btw, small town in Sweden
Had to stop though since I found myself going through the fridge on a Sunday once looking for some alcohol.
I had a similar experience except I’d open the fridge before work and instinctively grab a beer or start to grab one before I realized I was just there for creamer.
Around 10-15 years ago I worked in a pizzeria with a little sports bar. We had more than a couple people who were there almost every day.
I still stop by there once in a while, and without fail I run into at least one of those old regulars every time.
Europeans are pretty active on this mater. I’m always amaze by how much people go to bistro bin France and Belgium. I think this applies to pub in England too. In Quebec, I think it was morr common in the 60, 70 and earlier and fade away with the importance TV and later the Internet took in people’s home. Now when I go back to some small cities that use to have pretty active downtowns in the late 90s and 200Os, it’s absolutely dead. The only bars that survive have a crowd of people in their 40s and more. It use be full of young people, but now I guess they just "flix and chill’…
I worked in a couple of pubs in england back in the 90s and there were definitely regulars that would come in every weekend night and quite often, some week nights.
beer used to be a lot cheaper
And bars/pubs used to be fine with the regulars hanging out in the corner, only buying a pitcher of beer each per night.
I never did and none of the other men and women in my family neither.
