The boss walks in, there’s someone on the phone for you:
- Phone: “Hi, I’m the leader person behind that book/television/film franchise you complain about online and gee-whiz, you’re right! We want you to run things from here on out.”
- You: “Do I get supreme retcon powers?”
- Phone: “Of course! We’ll even retroactively edit in your changes!”
Huh, that was easy. What are you changing?
Delete everything that happened in the Battletech lore for where the last civil war book ended. Then keep writing the civil war timeline so it’s actually finished instead of where it’s been left.
Oh man, I think we could be friends.
I have most of Dark Age on my shelf but I’ve barely read it.
Lol yeah, I was reading them chronologically…60-ish books in or whatever I’m like wait… You just gonna leave it at Vlad and the Steiner-Davions like that?! I don’t get a resolution for Kathryn? I don’t get a resolution for my peeps in the Wolves in a Exile?! Just gonna jump decades into the future?
Well I don’t like that at all…
We’re bringing back Sliders without a reboot.
It was the real Arturo that got left behind in “Post Traumatic Slide Syndrome”, and Remy ends up finding him again after his cliffhanger solo slide.
Working with Arturo, they manage to get a slidegate up and running to go back for the others. They also find a dying copy of Quinn along the way who has some valuable Kromagg info and end up merging him into Mallory like the accident that melded our Quinn into him, in a last-ditch effort to save him. The presence of this third Quinn, who is almost like the original, outweighs Mallory so we have Jerry O’Connell back in the cast.
The gang all back together, they go to deliver the Kromagg bio-weapon in Remy’s blood and succeed. It’s now slowly spreading across all worlds. But the Kromagg big bad they’re fighting during this process sets off some kind of nuke inside a slide-tunnel, destabilizing the entire thing and basically scrambling sliding across all worlds. Even if you knew how to precisely connect to a world before, it goes somewhere else now.
And now we’re back to the classic formula, we can do whatever we want from here.
I give Monolith Soft the funding and popularity needed to be able to create all 6 originally planned Xenosaga games instead of the 3 we got
Do I also have unlimited money? What am I saying, the BBC is obviously swimming in money. Undo everything until shortly before the Doctor regenerates into David Tennant again and instead commission Studio Ghibli to do a 26 episodes series based on my Doctor Who comic about 13 and Rose, voiced of course by Jodie Whittaker and Billie Piper.
No, I don’t at all hate everything since Jodie left, I just prefer my vision, that’s all. :D
Okay, I am a merciful god - if the BBC have to watch their budget this year, we just undo The Power of the Doctor.
The Master’s plan is now not simply to swap clothes with the Doctor (???) but to actually swap faces. Jodie gets to be the Master and go bonkers on the universe while the Sacha Dhawan!Doctor has to convince Yaz (cue lesbian confusion) that he really is the Doctor and then go after the Master. At the end of TPotD, the Jodie!Master still regenerates into David Tennant (wearing 13’s clothes for fuck’s sake) and the 60th Anniversary is about how the Master uses the Doctor’s most popular face to absolutely ruin their reputation in all of time and space.
(Donna, after having her memory forcefully restored, instantly clocks that this is not the Doctor she knows but is forced to accompany him because he is threatening her daughter. She complains loudly about everything he does.)
In the end, the Doctor still regenerates into Ncuti and we’ll see where to go from there.
… can 13 and Yaz at least have the chastest of kisses on the lips before the end? That’d be fine too…
Hmm, I’ll have to run it by the head office but I think unlimited money should be okay. (and heck yes, I’m down with this vision)
Nnnnnoice. 🤩
I came here to do a Doctor Who one too, can I tack it onto yours?
It’s also revealed that the Master just hacked the Matrix to mess with the Doctor’s head, and the Timeless Child was just some bullshit he made up.
That’s going in as well, yes.
Give Voyager one final, long episode with a proper sendoff (instead of the half-assed one they did), where we can see how the characters actually ended up in the coming years. With an epic orchestral soundtrack, at least one really good space battle scene and a lot of pathos, it deserves it! ST: Picard is also considered non-canon (the first two seasons have been a shitshow and the third was just nostalgia-bait anyway). So nothing that happened to Seven of Nine in that plotline ever officially happened and the final Voyager episode can utilize some talented writers to make it good.
…and also delete the episode where some crew members become animals and bang each other, because excuse me, what the fuck was that?
All of the Kelvin-verse Star Trek movies and all Disney-canon Star Wars content.
.......Except for Andor and Rogue One. That shit is tight.
I agree about the start ears stuff after watching Andor I was like F the Jedi story line, I want more of this!
I don’t mind kelvin since it’s its own universe. Also I think it got lots of people into trek. The 09 movie is what got me started on the series and now I’ve seen it all many times over.
But why the kelvin universe, it already is its own canon
Yeah, that’s easy to ignore, if you insist. Not even a mention of the whole Picard disaster? Weird.
Because it never should’ve been made in the first place.
Like the Star Wars sequels, it was just yet another example of
- a mainstream, well-known, toe-the-line corporate Hollywood director who
- is known for making big bombastic movies that are great eye-candy but shallow stories (“a mile wide but an inch deep”),
- who aren’t actually fans of the franchise & are thus actually just outsiders to the fandom and thus don’t know what makes actual members of the fandom “tick”, what makes the content great and all that,
- and because they’re not huge fans of the franchise, rather than spend the time & energy to consume, understand, and get up to speed with all the years of varied lore (good and bad), they just go the lazy route, say “fuck it let’s just do a reboot” so they don’t have to do all the work.
It’s easy to say that the Kelvinverse is “just an alternative canon”, but that’s only because it largely flopped. If the Kelvinverse had taken off, or if Paramount had been stubborn and kept with it like Disney has with the Star Wars “Disney canon”, it would have undoubtedly been the only officially recognized canon. This is exactly what happened to Star Wars, and as it stands Legends/EU canon have only largely been kept alive by the fans, with very few exceptions (one of them being the Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO).
World of Warcraft, I’m making the Legion no longer all aliens, they’re demons from Hell again. Also the Draenei look exclusively like the Broken, no pretty goats allowed.
Yes I am retconning a retcon, it’s been ~20 years and it still bothers me! also ig Shadowlands never happened, just for good measure.
Immediately reshoot Season 8 of GOT with what I thought was going to happen.
Make the latest rick and morty season actually funny and good.
Ironically, that would probably end up with a different season of slop
The writers haven’t been subtle, though the episodes they’ve been directly saying they don’t know what people want from them and they keep getting told to be more like season 1
Well, we got something like season 1. The characters undid their character development and the episodes are aimless riffs off of classic sci-fi and cosmic horror
I think I’d just get the writing staff off of social media and pay them to hang out in a comfy room until they have an idea they’re excited about again
I’ll agree with that.
roiland was sadly a cornerstone of the show.
He really wasn’t. He had been out of the writing process for multiple seasons, they had him recording off site
The cracks have been showing for years now, I won’t deny he has an energy to his voice acting, but the replacements are fine. The problem is the writing
Completely jettison all of Star Trek Discovery and the Section 31 movie.
Retconning basically every character death retcon they’ve made in Yakuza over the years, and making Pirates completely non-canon because what the fuck
This one’s easy, Warhammer 40k, and all the nonsense about primaris and guilliman returning.
Command and Conquer - the Tiberium Saga. Leave Tiberian Sun and Firestorm alone, modify C&C 3 to have better continuity with Tib Sun and Firestorm on the state of Earth (i.e. Tiberium Fauna and Flora, further degradation of Earth environment). Remake C&C 4 where base building is part of the core gameplay element again, and delay the deus ex machina effect of the Tacitus such that the Earth is not in such a pristine state as what we do see in C&C 4
A lot of horror movie franchises would get retcon or some installments would outright be axed.
Friday the 13th would not need to go on for 10 movies. Get rid of Parts 9, 3, 5, X and 8. This is now going to be a compressed, coherent movie series of 5 movies where we attempt to establish a better comprehensible story involving Jason. Kane Hodder is the staple actor of Jason.
Nightmare on Elm Street, going to cut out Parts 6, 5, 2, and 4. Compress and re-write the story while retaining elements of selected pieces to build off from. The remake will not have ever happened. Freddy vs Jason would still happen but it would be involving the original creators of both Nightmare on Elm St and Friday the 13th and Kane Hodder will star as Jason. No cop out ending like the original version got, but the victor would not only be decided by final battle but also body count.
Halloween, take out 3, 4, H20, 2, 5, Resurrection and all of the Rob Zombie directed ones. Retcon.
Scream, that movie series feels more like a trilogy movie so that’s what it is going to be instead of all of these unnecessary installments.
Final Destination, same thing.
Saw, same thing as I felt the series ended beautifully with three movies but went entirely off the rails in later installments.
Puppet Master, I would honestly keep to 5, get rid of all of the ones where they focused too much on the Nazi stuff and the clash they had with Demonic Toys.
Leprechaun, just get rid of the ones where he entangles with the Hood and obviously the space one and max the series out at 2 films.
Hellraiser, keep it to two movies.
343/Microsoft should have let Bungie’s “ending” for Master Chief stay - Where chief saves earth but gets put into indefinite cryo as he is forever lost in space.
It would have put him full circle (as he was a superweapon waiting in cryo when the series started) and it would put him into a state not unlike the halos themselves, which I think was Bungie’s intent.
There are a lot of stories and things to explore within Halo’s universe and I would like to see more of those than bad-guy-of-the-week that Chief has to stop.
100%. I don’t mind the idea of a halo 4 it’s just that it didn’t have to be chief in it. 343 just uses chief as a crutch because they fundamentally misunderstand Halo
I did think bringing back the halo wars crew was a good idea i just wished halo 5 had nothing to do with it. Maybe continuing from there with Jerome taking the spotlight wouldn’t have been so bad
Also the TV show. It still boggles my mind how that fucking thing was made despite all the lore Halo has. But having a TV show or movie in itself wasn’t a bad idea. Following a crew of ODSTs through the covenant war would have been pretty awesome
