Brief summary of context. I socially transitioned before he was conceived. His birth mother left me before he was born. I spent 18 months fighting to even meet him. Eventually had things going smoothly with overnight time. Then the birth mother cut contact again. I’ve only just got to see him in a supervised context.
Near the end of the last session I referred to myself as mummy Eve, as I’ve done thousands of times in the past without issue. This time he yells that he hates it when I say that. He goes on to say I’m just pretending, I’m not a mummy I’m a he, and he knows I’m a he because I’m wearing a top.
I’m certain he’s getting this from his birth mum. I’m devastated, it pushed me closer to giving up than I have been for a while. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it in the two hours a week I have with him. (At least for now)
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It is very possible your child will grow up and be unfathomably remorseful (and possibly angry at his birth mom for the brainwashing and manipulation). There will be no way he can ever, in his own ledger, make up for this cruelty to you.
So treat him as that future person. Treat him with kindness, respectfulness, and quasi-infinite tolerance knowing full well this is just a temporary psychosis, jarring and shitty as it is.
If he doesn’t later question it and regret it, then with all due respect he is not your child as he does not have your actual presence in his life any capacity–not even that of a clinic sperm donor. You’d be making it your problem, forever flailing at windmills.
Stay strong.
Actual tips and ideas/suggestions:
Do stuff with your son that’s really laid back and fun and popular. Doing so shows him that you’re cool and nonchalant and helps him to come away from the hijacked neurons and states of confusion and uncertainty. Be the cool unflappable parent that’s in the know for what’s cool and fun and awesome for kids. If you’re having trouble even getting to that rapport point, idk what to say because it hinges on the specifics of your interactions or him/you of which I’m ignorant.Yeah, I don’t blame him. Children are sponges, especially at that age. All I can do is help him from this point.
I can hear much worse from basically anyone else and laugh it off. Hearing the effect of his mind being poisoned towards me was the struggle. I think I handled it well externally, only letting it out on the way home.
You’re an adult and he is 6…his brain isn’t developed enough to understand this concept…don’t take it personally.
I explained to my kids when at a similar age when they saw their first trans woman:
- some people are born man and love women, some are born women and love men. That is most people
- some other people are born men who love men or women who love women and that is fine. Many people hate this, but who is to tell you who you were born to love.
- some other people are born in the wrong body and that is also fine. These people may go to the doctor to help them get the right body. Many people also hate this, but there is really no issues with it as it is a personal choice.
- Whatever you are or love, things will get clearer when you grow up, but it may always be confusing and thinking about it is the best way to know who you are and love.
You can customize the last part and explain that you are like that, born a woman in the wrong body. That momy X knew they would have 2 mommies and yes, momy eve was born in the body of a man and we are lucky to have modern doctors that can help.
You’re taking a 6-year old’s words too seriously and it’s coming off as bizarre.
