Three engineers are in a bar discussing which school of engineering god belongs to, the mechanical engineer goes first;

“God’s a mechanical engineer, look at the bones and muscles and how they interact and move.” The electrical engineer is shaking his head;

“God’s an electrical engineer, look at the nervous system and how the brain is wired, that’s electrical engineering.” At this stage the civil engineer has a wide grin on his face;

“God’s a civil engineer, who else would run a waste pipe through a recreational centre?”

I haven’t got a joke, how about a tongue twister?

“When a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, there’s a packet pocket socket racket error to report.”

Hey, does the name ‘Pavlov’ ring a bell?

::: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber.

Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scaler. :::

Three perfect logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender says “Y’all want something to drink?”
The first logician thinks about it and says “I don’t know.”
The second logician thinks about it and also says “I don’t know.”
The third logician says “Yes.”

Edit: aw, dang, I see deadbeef beat me to this one… by 4 hours.

There are two kinds of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete

Would you like to hear a TCP joke?

I would like to hear a TCP joke.

Here is your TCP joke.

I have received your TCP joke. *laughter*.

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I’d tell you a UDP joke but I’m afraid you wouldn’t get it.

My friend asked how my C programming class was going. “I’m really struggling,” I replied, “I could sure use some pointers.” He said, “int* x, int* y, int* z.”

Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25.

I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car. They get pulled over.

Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“No, but I know exactly where I am,” Heisenberg replies.

The cop says, “You were going 140 km/h, were only 120 is allowed”

Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, “Great! Now I’m lost!”

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says, “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”

“We do now, you bastard!” shouts Schrodinger.

How many programmers does it need to change a light bulb?

…

…

…

.

Impossible, because that’s a hardware problem.

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are traveling in a train through Scotland when they see a sheep on a field. “Look! Scottish Sheep are black!” Says the biologist. “Well, at least some Scottish sheep are black” Says the physicist. The mathematician clears their throat and says “We know that there’s at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least half of it is black”

What does a mathematician do when he’s constipated?

He works it out with a pencil!

There are 10 types of people in this world.

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Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.