Just go faster. I don’t get it.

I worked for basically Michael Scott at some point in my life. Everyone knew that he had the easiest job on the planet, and he still didn’t do it, and we were all glad he didn’t. He could talk to a room full of people for hours and explain his position in the company for so long that you forgot what you even asked.

If you think the connection to Michael Scott ends there, you’d be wrong. You would always know when he had a new girlfriend, because he would talk about her all the time. One time he connected his laptop to the projector and the first thing that opened was a picture of his girlfriend. He looked at it, said: OH. Made sure everyone saw her and then pretended to hurry to start his speech.

One day he came to work, sat in my car (i was on my way to a jobsite and had no idea why he was there.) i didn’t want to talk, so i just took off. After some awkward silence, he said: i’m not even supposed to work today. I nodded, i had no idea. He asked if i knew why he’s here. I said nope. He said he was supposed to get married today but his girlfriend fucked two dudes in the jacuzzi yesterday.

There are countless stories like that and all i could think about was: this guy makes 60k a year by working two days a week. And i don’t mean because he was slacking off the rest, he was only employed 20%

I heard many similar stories like that from friends and it’s always a bit shocking to me. I’m no go getter or anything, i run my own business, but even then, i don’t want to work more than i really have to. But i just really can’t imagine what that must be like.

I had a friend who worked as a static engineer. He then worked for a company that made bearings for big machines, which wasn’t his line of work but he liked it. The company got bought by another company who did something different and he just fell through the cracks. At first he was super anxious and just pretended to draw on his drawing board and had excel open on his computer. But no one cared, a lot of people switched jobs and suddenly he didn’t really know anyone anymore and after a few month he told me that he doesn’t really know what his job is.

Oh god, i only once worked in a company large enough where it felt like there were more middle managers than actual workers. The middle manger that was assigned to my team suddenly got sick. Like cancer sick and he basically stopped working within a week. They panicked, because there was no one to replace her. Some guy that i have never seen before told us that we just have to hang in there for 2 weeks or so until they found a replacement. They never found a replacement and i think they just forgot, because nothing has changed about our job, we did the same amount of work and everything. Legitimately the only difference was that they had one less paycheck to pay.

People think i’m crazy when i tell them that. I think it’s crazy to get ass blasted by ads. The only time i see an ad is when i’m at someone’s home and the tv is running. I’m almost mesmerized by it because of how bad and frequent they appear.

I did not like the first movie, aside that it was and still is a technical marvel. I watched the second one with little to no expectations, and i really liked it. It actually made me sad by the end. I wouldn’t say it’s fantastic or perfect or anything like that, but i’d say it’s a solid movie.

I have some old ass neighbours who still drive. Often i assume drunk, because at least on of them is quite the day drinker. You would think people are on board to not let these people drive anymore. Nope, all i hear is people saying: but how do they get around then?

Idk, so we just let them roam around an potentially kill someone?

And this is not just hyperbolic because they are old, one of them has such bad vision, that he only drives with his wife on his side, because he is pretty much blind and she who is only almost blind tells him where to go.

Online dating is basically like that. When i use a dating app, most women live close by and are Asian, mostly chinese. Which is interesting, because where i live, i see maybe 4 chinese people a year. They are all tea merchants and live with their sister/relatives and really want my whatsapp. They are often bots, but sometimes a real person takes over. I like to tell them outrageous shit, until a human has to take over. What i do now is that they always ask what i work, and i tell them i’m a tea merchant. Which either results in a unmatch, or a: cool, i’m a tea merchant. Some of them are really fucking good, and online dating will be gone for good if they get any better. I’m pretty sure a lot of chatbots talk to each other on these platforms, because they auto match anyone and either start talking or answer themselves

Is this a “the jerk” reference?

I was in a bar i used to hang out in almost 20 years ago. It was kinda weird to see the same people still sitting there. There were two guys on my table that i knew from back then, but even then, not too well. They talked about how these days, they can’t say anything anymore, not like in the good old days. They said it over and over, just phrased it differently every time. So i asked: sorry, but what can’t you say anymore.

One of them shrugged and said: you know, things that were okay in the good old days?

Like what?

Things.

You want to be racist and homophobic, which by the way you still can, but you don’t want to deal with the repercussions.

It used to be okay

FOR YOU!!

Nah it’s just a fatty with a weird excuse. The gender doesn’t matter at all.

Epic reddit moment

This is probably my biggest boomer opinion. People need to know that i was here, people need to know how much fun i’m having. If people don’t know how amazing my life is, what’s even the point of going out?

My tinfoil opinion is because of social media traveling is now everyone’s favourite hobby. Tinder is just full of women who use the planet as a background to take their picture in front of.

When i was little, the worst part about other people’s holidays was that there was a chance that they invited you to their homes to watch their boring dia shows of their vacation. Now it’s almost impossible to not look at someone’s vacation

Same, when blues brothers 2000 came out, i was really excited, because back then, i had no idea how sequels work and that they are often just shit. Even tho i was the target audience for that movie, i really hated it.

It’s more of a sign that one guy is such a batshit insane criminal that people would rather vote for pretty much anyone else.

Why even bother making good movies, when children also watch elsa getting spiderman pregnant?

That’s cool, someone should make that chart hut with food.

I knew a hardcore vegan girl like a decade ago when it was rather rare to see someone to that extreme, or at least to me. She said she feeds her cat only vegan food, and i was pretty sure that that’s not a thing, but i didn’t really know. Her roommate then told me that she goes through quite a lot of cats, because they either die or run away.

That’s so obscure and crazy and could never happen in real life. Like agin a city called Darmstadt or something.

There are probably just as many people coming out to say they accused him just for the money than people actually accusing him. I’m not saying he’s innocent, but i’m pretty sure i know him just as well as you do. Maybe you are willfully blind because you just want him to be a paedophile