Thoughts and prayers to her.

That’s all she needs, right? No actual medical care. Thoughts and prayers always fixes things.

They need some way to pay for the year he commuted to Seattle by private jet.

Also, he is the asshole who said to keep raising the prices at Chipotle.

Fuck him. I will drink Folgers (and I do) before I’ll drink your shit.

She just wanted her bikini back after the manatee stole it.

Remember, if your company is telling you how great something is, it is great for them, not you.

CBP has higher power than regular police, sadly.

https://www.aclunc.org/our-work/know-your-rights/know-your-rights-us-airports-and-ports-entry

Turns out, no matter who is in charge, we were living under an oppressive regime.

Maybe she is an alien.

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.

Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship.

The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another.

They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?” The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.

About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer.

The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine.” “And how about the Martian woman?”

The farmer replied, “That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!”

Like this man ever gave his wife an orgasm.

The eggs we eat are unfertilized. How is that murder?

I generally ask for my stuff after the two days anyway. Strike away my friends.

I am 44 and went from conservative to liberal. My parents always told me I would switch as I got older and that was wrong. What I learned was conservatives want three things: money, controlling people, and being allowed to say the quiet part out loud.

What amazes me is conservatives are “Christian” yet don’t want to provide health care to people. I don’t remember Jesus in the bible healing people then asking for payment later.

72.4430811050993

I completely disagree. Russia should receive nothing for what they have done.

Imagine this, Russia decides that Alaska is theirs even though it was sold to the U.S. in 1867. They invade and make it half way into the state. Should the U.S. have peace talks with Russia and say you can have half the state or keep fighting and push them completely out? I guessing most Americans would say F off Russia, get out of our country.

Russia leaving Ukraine is the only justifiable outcome from this invasion. If a child breaks his siblings toy maliciously, you don’t reward them for doing a bad thing. You punish that child for their actions. Putin is nothing more than a spoiled child, you shouldn’t reward him for his bad behavior.

Just curious, what do you think should be on the table at the peace talks?

For me, it should be the following:

Russia leaves Ukraine including Crimea and vows to never invade again. I know it didn’t work when Ukraine gave up their nukes for the same vow but one can hope.

Russia pays Ukraine back for all the damage it has done. They were the aggressors, they need to pay up.

All prisoners who were taken to Russia, including children, are to be returned.

No interference if Ukraine wants to join NATO and the EU.

I’m not an expert in peace talks, but I feel the above is fair.

I don’t remember this strip at all. I love finding works by Gary Larson I’ve never seen before.