256,338 rows affected.
It’s fine, just restore the backup.
Backup straight out the building. Ain’t about to be there when they find out.
The what now?
It’s right there, in the room with the unicorns and leprechauns.
You know how we installed that system and have been waiting for a chance to see how it works
You go ask the other monkey who was in charge of the backup … and all they do is incoherently scream at you.
It was all a Pentest! The company should have been operating under the Zero Trust Policy and their Security systems should not have permitted a new employee to have that many rights. You’re welcome, the bill for this insightful Security Audit will arrive via mail.
I can do one better. Novo Nordisk lost their Canadian patent for Ozempic because someone forgot to fill out the renewal with a $400 admin fee.
They will lose $10B before patent ending.
But they saved $400. Someone needs to talk to HR.
I once bricked all the POS terminals in a 30-store chain, at once.
One checkbox allowed me to do this.
That’s actually pretty impressive
Was it the recompute hash button?
Nah. It was totally a virus attack.
Reminds me of the time all those porn pop-ups hijacked my browser and filled my history. My dad thought I’d visited all those sites on purpose for a second there.
No they were ancient ROM based tills, I unchecked a box that was blocking firmware updates from being pushed to the tills. For some reason I still don’t completely understand, these tills received their settings by Ethernet, but received their data by dialup fucking modems. When I unchecked the box, it told the tills to cease processing commands until the firmware update was completed. But the firmware update wouldn’t happen until I dialled into every single store, one at a time, and sent the firmware down through a 56k modem with horrendous stability, to each till, also one at a time. If one till lost one packet, I had to send it’s firmware again.
I say for 8 hrs watchimg bytes trickle down to the tills while answering calls from frantic wait staff and angry managers.
I’m curious - was it also a checkbox that immediately applied when toggled, instead of not actually applying until you press save?
Immediately applied, no save button. It was labeled something like “Allow/disable firmware updates” which is bad design. Label should say exactly one thing, either “Allow” or “disable” never “Allow/disable” The software was very antiquated.
I worked with POS machines once too. Ugh. Worst. Things. Ever.
The data was a mess and needed to be cleaned up anyway.
What’s with the weird vertical artifacts in this image?
Trying to hide the slop
Scanlines in tate mode.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
“Ah, shit. Oh well. They have backups.”
“…”
“They have backups, right?”
If they don’t, that’s something you can’t blame on a new start.
I was hired as a backup representative and just wanted to know what I was dealing with and make a clear statement.
All of my bananas are worthless now!
Get this monkey a job at Tesla
We need an army of them working at Palantir too
It’s my last day at work, and I just started to
ddmy work laptop…but I forgot I was ssh’d into the production database.Did you know that morning it would be your last day at work?
Pretend you thought you were hired as disaster recovery tester
Now if you’ll excuse me while I fetch some documents from my car for my formal evaluation of your system
*Gets in car and drives away*
Ctrl + z.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Works on my machine (excel sheet)
