• WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.todayEnglish
      0·
      9 months ago

      It kind of is true though. People have zero tolerance for someone who was never in their life. They might develop some if you are a friend, but you can easily burn through that. Any friends that you do have, are to be cherished.

  • ᓚᘏᗢ@piefed.socialEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    You can be all that with no fear of abadonment. Not having the energy to deal with people’s constant bullshit, and just not particularly liking people or being very good at talking to them and being heard, is more than enough.

    This incessant need by psychiatry to link trauma to abandonment and refuse any other reasoning, has lead to a lot of misdiagnosis, especially in women.

    • 7101334@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      9 months ago

      I’m generally not a big proponent of western therapy in general, so I’m not arguing that part of your comment, I just wanted to say - it’s normal to not be very good at talking to people. Like any skill, it takes practice, which requires accepting that you’ll be bad at it initially.

  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    See this with my brother.

    Example: I called my mom to get me water because I was super sick and he brerates me for not being an adult because hes “grown up” enough to take the risk to go down the stairs while barely able to stand up and shivering and I wont. Like wtf? she right there in the living room. Not in next province.

  • TrackinDaKraken@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    Hmm.

    I don’t ask for help out of stubbornness. I guess I never grew out of “I can do it myself!” But, now, I have no one to ask, so there’s that.

    I haven’t had an actual friend in over 30 years. I had a roommate for four years who was the next-closest thing to a friend I had–mostly a friend, more than just a roommate, at least. Then I got married, and she seemed like a friend until she cheated on me. Other than that, I’ve had work acquaintances, some of whom I would occasionally hang out with outside of work, but once I quit and left, that ended, too. I’ve had many girlfriends over the years, but that’s not really the same thing. It was never “friend with benefit”, it was always benefit with friend. Once the benefit stopped, so did the friendship. So, yeah, not great at relationships.

    I don’t feel I’ve ever been outright abandoned. Apart from the divorce, the parting of ways was to some degree mutually agreed to. And, by the time the divorce was finalized, I was on board, too. You might think, “But, she cheated on you…”, well, yes, but things aren’t always so black and white and simple to parse.

  • FranciscoLopez@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    Realizing this was a big ‘oh… that explains a lot’ moment for me. Learning to ask for help is a skill too.

    • aloofPenguin@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      9 months ago

      Same moment of realization for me too…

      I think I’d agree that asking for help would be a skill. In my opinion, it takes courage to put yourself out there and face all the shitty people that there may be and all the(ir) criticisms. On another note to that, getting help, getting dependant on that help, then what if it goes away? What next?

      This i think is one of the things I struggle with in regards to asking for help. It’s terrifying.

      Just wanted to get my thoughts out. Sorry if it’s not appropriate here.

  • lauracor@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    This hits deep. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it until we’re completely burnt out and wondering why we feel so alone. It takes so much courage to finally reach out and trust someone again.

    • adhd_traco@piefed.social
      English
      0·
      9 months ago

      I also think better experiences help. I.e. telling some friends specifically what you struggle with, they will work with it. And so when in doubt in the future, you can recall the times where asking for help was totally fine with certain people.

        • adhd_traco@piefed.social
          English
          0·
          9 months ago

          Hey, I know sometimes you really have no one to talk to and I don’t wanna minimize that. Writing helps, or talking to animals, or, you know just other aspects of life. For me anyway. And I can’t possibly make an all encompassing statement here that fits every situation.

          But things change, and beliefs like “I can’t trust anyone” can change to “I can trust this person with that”, as people show up in life who are different. It doesn’t have to be a friend either, can be a therapist or similar who is different from the rest, where you can actually tell them something. Or somebody in a shared hobby, etc.