They are always eager for violence, but paying for universal healthcare? Food and housing? Suddenly, they spew some bullshit about personal responsibility or somerhing.
I think the proper rephrasing should be, “Would you suck one ape dick to save every human?”
It is physically possible (unlike “every” ape dick) and shapes up as a lose-lose: OP’s either a hypocrite or an ape-dick sucker.
“no it would take to long” is what I would answer if I was him
Skill issue
Humans are apes so I assume this means he’ll kill every last one of us to save himself.
I can’t say I’m thrilled about being murdered but the fellatio beforehand is some consolation I suppose. I wonder who the lucky one to be spared will be.
Its always “I’m willing to kill for my pet peeve”, its never “I’m willing to die without hurting anyone else for my pet peeve”
always “i would kill for X” or “i would die for X” and never “i would commit to a modest but long-term effort for the betterment of X”
Seriously. Forego the killing and death and just volunteer in your local community, but I guess that doesn’t sound as edgy in a tweet.
It’s because committing to a modest but long-term effort is harder than killing obviously.
“I would kill without x too, but if it does x then that’s cool too, I guess”
Fuck this weird “masculinity” concept. Also fuck that beatle, Lennon or whomever, shitty ass imagine song. Same shit. Imagine a slight inconvenience, that will help your neighbors.
i had an exclusive tour of a preserve in the congo because my sister was dating this guy who worked there (she loves BBC for some reason), and i met a few gorillas up close and personal. you’re never gonna believe this one, but one of them (her name was gretchen) shared a peach with me because she was full, and while i was eating it–are you ready?–she wrapped one arm around me in a warm embrace; that soft exterior gave way to a burst of sugary nectar that tasted as sweet as anything out of a factory with 50g of sugar, including coca cola and little debbie.
but it was the love that made it so sweet.
i’ve never even felt that kind of unconditional love out of my children; that kind of love that’s sprouted from seeds planted by a hand with a deep understanding of the human condition, with all of its pains and glories; you don’t need the cosmos when you’re so in touch with the ragged soil of earth.
my son and daughter told me they hate me because i wouldn’t buy them a ps5 and this was after i built a totally modern gaming rig and sprung for the best graphics card and a 4tb SSD that they refuse to fill up all the way because piracy is immoral. but they wanted to play the new persona, and i love them, so i bought them the ps5 and they haven’t changed their attitude. now they want veja sneakers even though the new balance t500 has a sleeker silhouette, a timeless vintage style and costs $100 less.
i still think of getchen from time to time and how she had a better figure than my wife.
I hate that I couldn’t get past BBC without getting stuck on whether the broadcaster was somehow involved or whether OP ponders their sister’s appreciation for spade tatoos.
¿Por qué no los dos?
Hey babe!! New copypasta just dropped
How exactly are we more.important?
Earth probably hates us and thinks we’re parasites.
we can steal copper out of flock cameras. can you train a monkey to do that?
Wait wait wait let me write that down.
“Monkey squad trained to steal copper from Flock cameras.”
If we could train rats to cut the wires and crows to transport we could get a whole industry going.
Possibly?
Literally yes? They steal shit for fun in places where humans and monkeys exist close to each other
I assumed you meant “train a monkey to steal copper from flock cameras” 😂
Earth needed us to create plastic, once we’ve created that in sufficient numbers it will restart with the additional resource availability
what obscure reference is this?
It’s a George Carlin bit.
The entire survival/crafting/basebuilding genre.
Pacific Garbage Patch would go hard for a post apocalyptic scavenger.
Earth doesn’t think.
It has existed long before us, it will exist long after us, if it could think it’s thoughts on us are little more than “that bug bite itches”
We don’t matter to the Earth, never have, never will.
But the Earth should matter to us, not through some idea of protecting it, it will survive basically anything we throw at it, but from the idea of protecting ourselves - we’re in a Goldilocks zone and that can reach a point of being too hot or too cold, that we won’t survive it.
I think the environmental knock-on effect of wiping out all gorillas might cause more than one human to die in the future, directly or indirectly.
Also, gorilla dicks are small and they cum pretty much instantly, so you could easily get through all gorillas on Earth in an afternoon. Matt Walsh might get it done in 20 minutes, what with his extensive experience of sucking huge amounts of dick on Twitter.
But for Republicans and conservatives in general it’s about projecting power. Sucking off gorilla dicks do nothing to project power whereas killing a bunch of gorillas do.
How do you know the last part?
In this case, “sucking dick” is a euphemism for “having your ass handed to you constantly and easily”. Kinda like how “I fucked the dog” means “I messed that up badly” and not “I literally fucked a dog”.
Game recognize game
Lmao
Actually, I’ve been contacted by every ape on this subject. They are mostly tops and would like to, you know. Anyway they are ok with condoms because these days it’s a no brainer.
He gets to save a human and suck every ape’s dick!
I’d suck em all to suck yours Thor!
Humans are apes numb nuts
Shhh we almost got Matt to suck a bunch of dick
you would be surprised how often i’ve needed this
I… Love it. Thank you
Matt Walsh is religious if I’m not mistaken. And religious folks really don’t think we’re apes and get offended for saying so because it goes against the Abrahamic teaching that god made us. I remember saying to a religious fanatic that we are apes and she called me an ape but i was like: “Yeah, we are. That’s what I’m telling you.” Admitting that we are apes and thus animals would mean discarding the idea that humans have dominion on nature and animals as stated in the bible. And there is nothing worse for the religious (humans in general) than losing dominance.
If I remember correctly from a taxonomy point of view humans aren’t technically apes since we broke off from the ape branch. Homo sapiens and all the other earlier humans are descended from a common ancestor that broke off from the ape common line. Think how foxes broke off from wolves which then went on to become dogs.
haha jokes on you all my nuts are truck nuts.
wait that makes all my trucks trans
He’d probably embed thermal paste up every fish’s butt just to save one human.
Jake Lang will likely respond with an non elaborated “yeah.”
As if Matt Walsh would save LGBTQ, non-Christians and people of color
