To be succinct and private… My incubator worked me for weeks to build rapport and trust with me in my younger days, to get me to tell her a something that she would ultimately, and immediately use and weaponize against me and others.
This wasnt the first time I tried to have a relationship with her, but it did finally open my eyes and become the last. In the many many decades since, I’ve not so much as acknowledge her existence when crossing paths.
I adopted a baby from a different race and my father only talks about the white one, refused to meet the other kid.
father in law posted KKK shit on his Facebook page.
we’ll just prune those two branches now…
I’m sorry and good riddance to them.
Well, that’s unfortunate. But at least you know the correct response.
Openly not believing in my academy career, which was a failure for the lack of motivation.
When I was 15 or so I get home from school and get a AIM message from an account I don’t know claiming to be a girl at my school who has a crush on me, but too shy to reveal who she is. Which was weird all by itself because I didn’t use AIM often.
At first I’m delighted, but she quickly becomes sexual. Talking about masturbating to me in very explicit detail. I get freaked out and stop responding. Which prompts an angry phone call from my Dad saying the account is messaging him now and bothering him at work. How she got my account info wss confusing, but i didn’t even know my dad had an account.
So I respond a few more times, and very quickly “she” starts sending me porn, which then turns to sending CSAM saying I need to masturbate to it too. I’m freaking tf out and block the account. Which prompts another angry phone call. I tell my dad I don’t know this person and tell him to just block the account to stop him getting bothered. He calls me a pussy and hangs up.
When he gets home, I tell him that the account was sending me freaky stuff. He stomps over to the computer, opens an terminal and typed a long string of characters that returns our IP address. “If it happens again, do this and we can catch this freak”. He then abruptly closes the window before I can even read what he typed, much less remember it. He slams his bedroom door and that’s the last I see of him for the night.
Took me a long time to fully understand and accept what happened that night, but I never looked at my dad the same again. There were a few more odd situations where he put CSAM in front of me or sent it to my step-dad getting him fired. But he died before I gathered the courage to confront him.
Wait…
your dad was AIMing you, pretending to be a girl your age? sending you child porn?
What the fuck
Yes. :/
There were other similar things he did but those are harder to talk about. This memory is just so absurd that it feels less personal.
I’m sorry, dude.
Cheated on my mom with a vile woman who had vile children (most much older than me) Let her push my sister and I around and eventually away. Stood there and did nothing while her entire family belittled and emotionally abused my sister on a near daily basis and had the balls to ask us why we don’t reach out to him. There is a lot but that’s the tldr.
Well, mine both died, so there’s that.
But prior to that they voted for Brexit.
I’m sorry for your loss and for their questionable decisions
Metaphorically speaking, but putting the boot down on the neck that is the form of my individuality. They both did a terrible job in preparing me for life. Their idea of readying you for life is going on tireless banters about themselves and maybe a couple lessons dropped in between. There’s just no recovery when parents just do not prepare for you for life, leaving you into a life full of struggle and improvision.
Facts, my parents never accepted who I am and wanted me to be another racist robot like them, they were flabbergasted when I didn’t return home after losing my first big job. I had met the woman who became my wife, she and life taught me way more than they ever did, the only thing my parents did right and ultimately hated me for was buying me a set of science encyclopedias which allowed me to find my passion for science.
My mother got mad when she found my friend teaching me to do my own laundry, said we’d break the washing machine. Later, I shrunk my favorite tshirts doing laundry when I got an apt.
It wasn’t just one big thing (although there were plenty of those), it was death by 1000 cuts. In the end it was something relatively small. I asked her to remove me from her regular right-wing email blasts and she refused to do so. What kind of asshole refuses to do something so small for a complete stranger, much less a family member? A malignant narcissist asshole.
If you haven’t read up on narcissistic family systems there’s a lot of good content out there. Here’s a short article.
Because shes convinced if she harasses you enough, one day you’ll break down and wake up and be like “HALLELUJAH MOMMA, I’VE SEEN BLUE EYED BLONDE HAIRED WHITE JESUS AND ITS ALL THANKS TO YOU NOT GIVING ME ANY RESPECT”
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entering my flat multiple times without my consent/knowledge and not leaving when asked to (thanks for the 3h meltdown where I was completly locked inside my brain and couldnt do anything but repeat a few words over and over and rock back and forth on the couch, really liked that one)
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ignoring obvious signs of mental/neurological issues in their child (because somehow children cant have those??)
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treating our relationship as something transactional
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forcing me to do activities i really dont want to, trying to argue away my fears and thinking they “won” after i shut up
I might talk to them again if they write a letter apologizing for atleast something. I havent told them this and i realise that its kind of unfair to set a condition that the other party doesnt know about, but if they dont come to this conclusion themselves then it doesnt feel genuine to me. It really sucks because I have no other people to rely on (emotional and material) but it also kind of was like that before I stopped talking to them, because every favour needs to be repaid or might be used in an argument against me and every fear and concern is argued away.
edit: oh and i realise that some of this is my fault because i really am sometimes difficult to deal with and very stubborn and i try to take responsibility, but at the same time it often feels like I have to work with both of my hands tied behind my back and I wasnt given the tools as a child to do better.
None of its your fault, bro.
Its all theirs for their failure to get you the help you needed much earlier in life, and for being domineering shitbags.
You owe them nothing.
None of its your fault, bro.
But you don’t know this.
Thats very nice of you to say but I often think of them more as ill-equipped and overwhelmed. I dont hate them and I understand its really hard to reflect on your arguments if your opponent is a literal child who doesnt know better and is dependant on you. Ironicly I sometimes think the people who dont want children, because they are afraid of doing something wrong, would be the best parents but whatever.
That kinda tracks. Like how the people that should have power are the ones that don’t want it.
Obviously I dont know if this is true but I believe many people who have kids just want a cute baby and the idea that their “tribe” continues in the world. when it turns out to be an actual person with needs beyond food and shelter, they become overwhelmed. And to be fair to my parents; I had most things i could have wished for and never lived in poverty, but humans are just way too complex that you can expect them to turn out just fine on their own.
My mum wanted kids because she was pretty heavily parentified when she was still a child herself, and was often put in the impossible situations like “I need to figure out how to feed my toddler younger brother who I am responsible for”, which led to her having to teach him help her shoplift by hiding food when he was sitting in the shopping trolley at the supermarket. She wanted the opportunity to be the parent that she wished she could’ve had.
That’s certainly a more noble goal than simply wanting to continue one’s family line, but there’s still a deep immaturity to it in hindsight. Her childhood left her pretty thoroughly fucked up, and you can’t move on from that kind of trauma just by deciding to be better. Healing requires a lot of support, time and effort. Although she did infinitely better than her parents did, her baggage ended up bringing a lot of toxicity to my teenage years, and our relationship was permanently harmed by that. Some of her most toxic traits were as a result of overcorrecting after deciding that she wanted to be nothing like her parents had been.
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My father was pretty draconic. No time for friends, no time for extra curriculars, no time for homework (he didn’t believe in public education, which caused its own problems), because there was always something to do: my chores, my siblings’ chores, home improvement projects, random “educational” outings that were mostly just me sitting in the car. Not to mention the verbal and physical abuse, leaving me on the side of the road to “scare me straight”, making me live in a tent in the backyard for a while.
I tried to be the bigger person after I moved out and practice hippy-dippy radical forgiveness. Unfortunately, he’s a malignant narcissist and even when he realized he had no leverage anymore and had to behave, he was still a really really bad influence. The more time I spent with him, the more his traits rubbed off on me. I had to cut him off entirely because it became too much.
Called my partner a gold digging whore (hilarious, considering she was earning 3x as much as I was at the time) and outright said I should marry the woman (daughter of a family friend) that they liked for me and keep my partner around as a side piece because “a real man knows how to make everyone happy”.
I don’t speak to them any more.
“The girl you like is a whore, you’d be much better marrying this girl instead, and fucking other women, you know, like a whore, but a good one”
What stellar logic they have.
Sent me a registered letter requesting I reply in kind and explain why he should keep talking to me.
20 years later he had no regrets, saw nothing wrong with what he said and did. Thinks we should carry on from where left off. He is also now disappointed with me because I never told him I have another kid. He wanted nothing to do with my other two but I should run around seeking his approval.
Used the fact that he named me after himself to commit fraud using my name.
Not just you but anyone, if you’re in the US freeze your credit and just in freeze it when you need it. People suck.
Mine didn’t do that, he just forged my signature.
Thats disgusting levels of premeditation.
Sounds like he only had a child, to give it his name, to run its credit into the ground like he’d run his own.
Hope you managed to right those wrongs once you came of age
My mom told me that she heard my soon-to-be-wife say some really horrible things about her and my kids behind my back.
Whatever she thought that would accomplish didn’t work, because I had already told my wife to start recording her interactions with my mom. (Clearly not my first rodeo)
Mom wasn’t real happy when I told her I’d listen to the audio.
That is utterly evil (ok the everyday sense). Glad you were prepped for that, but I’m very sorry that you’ve had life experiences that taught you it was necessary.
I still don’t know what Mom’s problem was with her, not that I even care. Before that point, they would each text me “You won’t believe what she said to me!”. I was stick on the middle trying to figure out what really happened, but something my mom said didn’t match with a major detail that she didn’t know about my wife’s past, so I had a feeling she was the one causing the shenanigans. That’s when I suggested the recordings.
what Mom’s problem was with her
She competed for your attention
I wouldn’t doubt it.
could be she saw your wife as a threat to her controlling nature, or your wife saw through her bs, and the mom is projecting. i had a former co-worker that had an extremely controlling mother, due to having trauma with thier first child(an accident) so she kept the former coworker close to her, to the point of “suffocation”.
You’re her property and another woman is encroaching on you.
That theory was definitely on my list of possibilities.
manipulation tactics, shes probably wants her to be the only "woman " in your life.
God that would fuck me upppp, I’m so sorry your mom is such a mess. :(
I have to ask.
If your moms such a piece of shit, why is your solution to your wife “make sure to record every interaction” instead of “Lets just stop dealing with this bitch”
Definitely a fair question.
We all lived in the same house at the time, and Mom’s name was on the deed, so up until that point we were walking on eggshells to keep things civil until other arrangements were in place.
Ah, thats fair then. Sometimes you do have to make sacrifices like that, as you make your preparations for the future.
Remembering all the times growing up when teachers suggested I get tested for ADHD and my mom would refuse because she “wanted me to be me, not a zombie” but was wildly disastrous for my future. Now she claims she has it too.
Then she voted for trump 3X.
Sounds familiar, my 3rd grade teacher flagged me for ADD, but my parents were anti-psychology and in the “he’s just being a typical energetic kid. The lack of supports left me an awkward kid, who developed an unhealthy eating habit to get enough dopamine, which they then mocked me for and belittled my struggle to manage my weight. My wife witnessed it firsthand when I first brought her and my 2 year old son to visit, I broke down from embarrassment but she stood up and yelled at them for like 30 minutes about their wretched behavior. She definitely was the best choice in my life.
Your wife sounds wonderful ❤️
Hell yeah, she’s also like a brown belt in karate and kicked a dude trying to break into our house down our outside stairs(was only like 5 steps worth), she is a lady I never had to worry about.
Man I wanna be her friend lol. I just love too when people stand up for their partners and build them up. You guys keep enjoying each other ❤️
During covid my dad would not wear a mask willingly.
It shattered my perception of him, that probably will not ever go back to what it was.
Covid and MAGA/Trumpism broke a lot of families, sadly.
So many good people who became permanently twisted into the nastiest of creatures.
