I wipe homeopathically.
0.5 mm² gently applied at the top of my crack for a nice even dispersal.
0.5 mm²of what? 0.5 MM² OF WHAT??
Well, in homeopathy, like cures like, so probably more shit.
I wipe homo pathetically, I’ll leave the details to your imagination.
This is entirely why I’ve become dependent on flushable wipes. Any combination of wet and dry toilet paper still takes forever to wipe properly and leaves my ass feeling sore whereas wipes always just takes one or two to completely get the job done. Idk if I have a sensitive ass or just missed the lesson on how to wipe right, but it feels like flushable wipes are the only thing that works for me 🤷♀️
‘flushable’ wipes aren’t flushable bro
Unfortunately flushable wipes are not flushable. If you actually read on the packaging what they mean by flushable they just mean that they are saying it won’t clog your specific pipes.
however will not properly break down in the sewer and absolutely do still cause giant clogs that sewer workers have to manually tear apart. Which I mean makes sense just think about it a wet wipe literally has to be wet from the moment it’s created and packaged while it sits in the store and after it gets to you and still be usable. It obviously doesn’t break down in water or else it would just be debris by the time you opened it.
Save yourself some money and see where workers some stress get a bidet you can get really really nice super fancy ones that have heated seating heated water and a bunch of different stuff from Home Depot for like $300 or you can get one of the really cheap here is essentially just a spray head connected to water
Second verse, same as the first. Flushable wipes aren’t flushable, but I also completely agree with you that they’re the only wiping tech that works!
Bidet at home, and I carry a small pack of flushable wipes in the vehicles. If I have an issue and must use a public restroom (avoid at all costs, because ew) I take the pack of wipes and a small bag with me into the restroom. Throw the used wipe in the bag, throw it away when done. The bags come from a roll of those bags you use to pick up dog poop. Hell, when we were in Mexico, all the restrooms, including at the hotel, had signs saying not to flush regular toilet paper, to throw it away. Not such a stretch after that! Lol
Fair enough. Just be sure that the wipes really are “flushable”. I mean, you can flush basically anything - but most things are bad for your plumbing and for the wider sewage system. My understanding is that if the wipe doesn’t break apart easily when it is wet, then it is not suitable for flushing.
In Australia, I noticed a heap of different ‘flushable’ wipe products vanished after new regulations were introduced. Actually, I don’t recall see any such products at all recently.
FFS get some technique. You use 3 squares folded over and do a pinch. You then use 2 squares folded for a second pinch. The last is two squares folded for a wipe, then folded again for the last clean up wipe. Yes, bidet is better but you’re gonna have to poo in a public restroom at some point. This isn’t rocket surgery, people. Get it together
Now, THIS is min-maxing!
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Fwiw, there are portable “bidets”
They aren’t exactly a proper bidet, they’re just bottles with a nozzle. Some of them you can’t even carry the water in it, you have to be able to access water where you’re going (so, not great for camping usually, or portajohns).
But they do a decent job for the most part. Enough to at least reduce how much wiping is needed.
Culo clean is a lid you put on a normal plastic bottle, great for traveling.
First vacation I went on after having a bidet for a couple years, I was miserable. My asshole had apparently lost its callouses and it bled and felt downright on fire for the second half of the trip. Now I never travel without my portable bidet. It does an impressively good job!
Bidet is the obvious way to do it right. Japanese toilet second, but if you can-t go at home, at least use moist TP towelettes, and don-t flush them! Throw them in the waste bin!
Bidet is the way, for sure. Butt if you don’t have access to that, and you are unfortunately enough to have a messy shit, I suggest spitting on the toilet paper (and give it an extra fold so that it doesn’t tear).
Hawk tuah
Most bathrooms have sinks, you can just wet some toilet paper if there’s no bidet.
Sure, I’ll just wave hi to the folks at the urinals as I waddle over to the sink with my shit caked ass.
A one night stand told me she does this after admiring my bidet. I found it very animalistic. Haven’t tried this method, but now that you’ve reminded me I’ll give it a go the next time I’m forced to use a public restroom.
Real ones use bidet or a watering can first then wipe to simply dry. Much cleaner.
A watering can? Like, for plants?
Bro, wash your ass. You don’t even need to get that fucking deep, just buy a shower scrubber.
Please don’t use a scrubber against your asshole. A washcloth you throw in the laundry after, or just your hands with lots of soap before and after is fine. You’re not going to awake any forbidden desires, you’re just making sure your body is clean.
You’re not going to awake any forbidden desires, you’re just making sure your body is clean.
Never say never, anal massage isn’t wholly unpleasant.
eating fiber helps
Honestly ask your doctor If you have hemroids, it’s common and can bei treated
Obligatory bidet comment. You don’t have to wipe like you’re trying to get peanut butter out of carpet. All shits become the same with a bidet, whether a short sticky stoagie or a hot wet mess of diarrhea. Imagine trying to clean a mud snowman off your driveway with a pressure washer. It can do anything.
You are a master of imagery.
You don’t have to wipe like you’re trying to get peanut butter out of carpet.
I lol’d
I’m not gonna pressure wash my tush, that’s a terrible metaphor! Too much power!
Tl;dr: too much pressure can result in an unwelcome “deep clean”, not recommended as a surprise.
You really have to limit the pressure to the bidet. We ultimately installed a little in-line valve but raw dogged it initially. I thought I’d be fine. “It has a dial,” I thought to myself, “I just won’t crank it up all the way.” I’m an idiot.
The next time I was really sick was when it happened. I was little kid sick, the kind of sick where you’re feverish, nauseated, and delirious, barely able to function, yet still have to drag yourself through the house and half-assedly slap your arms at things until they work, just to fulfill basic functions like drinking water and using the toilet. A toilet with a bidet.
I had just finished power blasting the porcelain for the umpteenth time and I wanted nothing more than to wash it away and ooze back into bed. I gathered all my willpower to swing an unwilling appendage over and twist the knob, but I twisted much too far and my aim… my aim was perfect. Bullseye.
In martial arts, they teach you not just to strike your target, but to strike through your target. The bidet didn’t just blast my anus, it blasted through my anus. If we were at the fair, my bidet would have popped the balloon and taken home the big bear. My wife claims she heard me cry out a high-pitched “eeeep!”, but I don’t remember it. I just remember shock and confusion as I pawed at the bidet knob. The bidet had slammed its way straight to home plate and beyond, on to the “fifth base” of legend.
I ordered a valve online that day and installed it as soon as I was able. Never again, not without intent, preparation, and a safe word.
I have never used a bidet.
What I do use with every shit is a bidet shower.
You get a nice gentle but strong enough stream which you control all the time.
Also, I never shoot it directly at my anus, but more like from an angle, so even if it suddenly had 10x the flow, it wouldn’t go into my arse.
Pretty much every single bathroom in Finland has these. As in even gas stations and bar toilets usually have one stall with a sink in the stall and a bidet shower attached.
this is a work of fucking art
Just shit in the shower and waffle stomp!
So until they read about it on the internet they were leaving their butthole covered with shit all day?
Since nobody else has talked about it, blood in stool is most commonly caused by hemorrhoids which can by caused by wiping too hard but much more likey it’s due to spending too many hours sitting on hard or rough surfaces each day, and you could even have a natural disposition for hemorrhoids caused by enlarged veins and the way blood circulates throughout your legs.
Generally professional care isn’t required to resolve the issue, instead you can try spending less time sitting down, avoid bloodthinners, wash the area occasionally with cool or cold water, or sitting on an ice pack and rotating out with a hot pack. Many people have suggested dietary changes, such as eat a fucking salad for once in your life.
If it persists for longer than two or three weeks, seek professional care as it could require light surgery.
If a man has frequent anal fissures or hemorrhoids, it may very well be the Salads causing it.
For some reason, some men of European descent lose the ability to digest raw vegetables completely.
News to me.
What, really?
Any source on that. I’m gonna go looking myself but you might know better so I’m leaving this comment.
Just what my butt doctor told me.
anon means that he wiped so frequently that the skin of his butthole wore away (and the paper still came back shitty)
Eat more fiber.
Bidets… You don’t have bidets?
Nah he didn’t even run for reelection
Always remember to follow the two knuckle rule.
Two knuckles deep or what?
It can be either two knuckles on the same finger or one knuckle from two fingers.
