• iltoroargento@lemmy.sdf.org
      0·
      11 months ago

      I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me. You know, when I left the house today I was thinking “Damn, I really hope some hot chick paints my brains all over some fucking hallway.” And here we are.

      I mean, really, just absolutely destroy me. I’m talkin’ full on, watermelon in the thighs level carnage.

      And I want it to scare the shit outta me. I mean I hope I piss myself. I hope I piss myself and you call me your little “peepee pisspiss boy.” I want you to fuck me up. I mean I want you to make me your bitch. Your little peepee piss myself bitch.

      I want it to get embarrassing. I mean like… weirdly embarrassing. Unsanitary, too. We should be entirely different people, by the end of the first eight hours.

      Do you understand what I’m trying to say here? I mean, l’m a real freak. I’m not normal.

      Ma’am… Please… You have to crush me.

      Edit: Link

  • Capt. Wolf@lemmy.world
    0·
    11 months ago

    *puts in coins and pushes button for Crystal Bepis, gets diet root beer*

    *puts in coins and pushes button for Bepis this time, somehow receive trail mix, not in bag*

    *Accidentally put in too much money, return button doesn’t work. Push any soda button, nothing happens. Next guy gets two sodas he actually pushed the button for.*

      • Tracaine@lemmy.worldBanned
        0·
        11 months ago

        It’s not an SCP. It’s just a…vending machine from 1985. That’s how they all worked.

        • MinnesotaGoddam@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          11 months ago

          I once found a vending machine where I could pay for skittles, it wouldn’t give them to me, I’d get a refund, then I’d pay for them again and get TWO SKITTLES. I keep that location to myself but it was a godsend.

          • socsa@piefed.socialEnglish
            0·
            11 months ago

            A creative writing project where the stories are all loosely based in a common universe where there is a secret organization protecting humanity from an evil force which manifests as a broad variety of different monsters.

          • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de
            0·
            11 months ago

            come up with a weird supernatural concept and write it in the format of a lab report

            SCP-80085
            Special Containment Procedures: put it in a secure room and don’t fucking touch it.
            Description: SCP-80085 is a McTasty burger as served by the McDonald’s restaurant chain, seemingly immune to rot and decay. Anyone who touches it fucking dies instantly from clogged arteries causing a heart attack.
            Addendum: Somehow Steve survived touching the burger, he took a bite and fucking exploded when he swallowed it, holy shit that’s gonna take some therapy. Burger seems to have regenerated though.

          • Capt. Wolf@lemmy.world
            0·
            11 months ago

            The SCP Foundation is a secret organization dedicated to securing, containing, and protecting various anomalous entities. The website is an archive of top secret documents including entries for each entity, called an SCP followed by a number, containing a practical name, detailed description, the effects of the anomaly, experiments performed, containment methods, pictures, etc. Objects can be anything, benign looking household items, monsters, seemingly normal humans, etc. There’s nearly 5000 entries on the site. It’s a pretty fun time sink if you’re into short horror stories. Most of them only take a minute or two to read. There’s also multiple games, most notably SCP Containment Breach and tons of spinoff material.

        • Tikiporch@lemmy.world
          0·
          11 months ago

          I think I single handedly killed it. I bought like seven two-liters a week for years, and I stopped last year when I switched to caffeine free diet bepis. Then Diet Rite gets cancelled. I’m sorry, guys!

          I liked diet rite because it mixed well with various flavored syrups (Monin), especially vanilla and cherry.

            • Tikiporch@lemmy.world
              0·
              11 months ago

              Lots. Especially if you include the ice in the soda! But yeah. Usually six to eight cups additional. My fridge meters out filtered water by quarter cup increments, so I can keep good track of it.

  • aesthelete@lemmy.world
    0·
    11 months ago

    They’ll also never understand the pleasure of finding a dusty machine like this on a hot day after biking a long distance, putting in a quarter and being shocked when it works(!) and the sodas are ice cold.