You know the one. The dumb joke you chuckled at that now just comes out unbidden at random times.
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“Oh no, not again” from the paragraph:
"Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
Where is this from. It sounds amazing.
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. And yes, it is amazing.
As someone else replied, it’s from the first book in a 5 book trilogy where the first book shares a name with the series: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, or HHGTTG for short.
It is absolutely brilliant. The petunia paragraph is preceeded by this, for more go read/listen to the books.
It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a sperm whale had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet. But since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought as it fell: ‘Ahhh! Whoa! What’s happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life? What do I mean by ‘who am I’? Okay, okay, calm down, calm down, get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? It’s a sort of a tingling in my… well, I suppose I better start finding names for things. Let’s call it a… tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what’s this roaring sound, whooshing past what I’m suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do. Yeah, this is really exciting! I’m dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There’s an awful lot of that now, isn’t it? And what’s this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like ‘Ow’, ‘Ownge’, ‘Round’, ‘Ground’! That’s it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it’ll be friends with me? Hello Ground!’
What do you call a bra stretched across a doorway?
Tap for punchline
A booby trap.
From the greatest sports parody movie ever made, BASEketball (1998):
Squeak: I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times I’m outta here!
“I guess that’s why she didn’t move around too much.”
“Penalty!” “Oh come on, that wasn’t a gay joke, it was an Australian joke!”
Who are you and how did you get in here?
I’m a locksmith and I’m a locksmith.
That reminded me of another one. Someone says to someone else “You’re stupid and ugly!”. Their response, “I am not ugly!”.
When you’re right, you’re right, and when you’re right…you’re right
Sounds like John Candy.
And you? You’re right!
It’s something a friend of mine used to reply when people would say “Jesus fucking Christ!”
He’d immediately reply “That’s impossible!”
With God, all things are possible! Up to and including autofellatio!
- Today we’re gonna teach poodles how to fly.
- Nothing says I love you like the gift of a spatula.
- You found the marble in the oatmeal! You win a drink from the firehose!
Spatula city! I swear I watch that bit at least every couple of years.
My local indie theatre played UHF a while back and holy God, watching that with a hundred other people howling and cheering was a magical experience.
Oh, I would love seeing it in theater again! I bet that was something awesome.
Absolutely was. I’m super spoiled, that theatre does all sorts of awesome movies and events like that. And it’s about exactly a one joint walk away…
-“Anyway, your immunity Is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It’s a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time And performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.”
-“I did do the nasty in the past-y.”
Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains!
So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct?
“Round of applause for Sean Lock everyone, he had a great carreer with many years in the industry, but then he brought back the Nazis”
Pity he died 😢
I love that episode. That and the “challenging wank” episode.
What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot
The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Tap for spoiler
You take away its credit card!
“It’s like I tell my ex-wife. Honey…I never drive faster than I can see. And besides that, it’s all in the reflexes.”
You’re excited? FEEL THESE NIPPLES
“I always wanted a briefcase that attached to my wrist with handcuffs. Alright.” - A “joke” from Mitch Hedberg.
“You can’t please all of the people all of the time, and last night, those people were at my show”
An escalator is never broken. It just becomes stairs.
Rice is great when you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
"I used to do drugs…
I still do, but I used to too"
