Ok, fine, let’s do a scaling pervert-off: Bite to neck
You need to drop an A/S/L before you start with that. I was there on the msn message boards too, old man lol.
Actually never got to engage with the msn boards. I’D have been the young one being taken advantage of.
Let me get my robe, and wizard hat real quick.
Hey, kink is fun as hell. The whole societal shame bullshit around anything related to sex outside of the context of procreation is fucking dumb, and I’ve more or less fully rejected that mindset at this point. We are humans; humans were designed to feel good when smashing; hence, we like to smash. And exploring fun aspects and dynamics in that context is exciting and delightful.
Remember: “tradition” is just peer pressure from dead people.
This is why kink is celebrated at Pride, society makes people feel shame for the things they enjoy and that’s bullshit.
That’s not a kink. Sex for fun is entirely normal human.
Sex only for impregnation on the other hand, that’s a specific fetish.
There’s definitely a gender dichotomy in terms of societal acceptance of sex as a form of fun. For men, it’s generally like “yeah, get some!”; for women; it’s often a lot closer to “omg you whore 😱”
there’s definitely a gender dichotomy that goes far back to england and the puritans who believed that basically women are inferior beings for having a sex drive (because that’s devilish), meanwhile men got a semi-pass possibly because they’re more difficult to say “no” to.
anyways, the english church is single-handedly responsible for the divide of human culture from human nature. nowhere else in the world (and i’ve studied a lot of philosophy!) have i seen such a great divide. it’s all about the asymmetry of good and evil.
just as a follow-up, the sad thing is, nobody could explain to me why the puritans have such a strong aversion to sex. it’s just postulated but without any proof or at least hint that would make it plausible.
i have actually asked for this specific question here about 3 days ago, to find an answer. i was downvoted to hell, nobody even tried to elaborate (except 1 friendly muslim) and people called me “bad-faithed” for even asking such a question.
It’s because well, sex is pleasurable (and kind of dirty), but mostly, they obviously tend towards suffering, like believing in hard work and denial, and sex is very much the opposite of that.
I think if you has asked “Why do puritans and others have such a strong aversion to sex?” you would have gotten better answers than asking your question “Prudish people, why do you hate sex?”
yeah i guess so.
Entirely anecodotal but:
Nearly every woman I’ve met/dated/etc that’s described themself as a pervert or a freak or extremely kinky, that’s a significant element of their personality?
They’re the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
Conversely, not all, but far far more of the ones that do not describe themselves as that?
They are actually quite often the most active and creative and willing to try new things, actually reciprocate effort in the bedroom.
Absolutely no clue if this is any kind of representative sample, but it is my experience.
The literal only exception to at least the first half of this was the actually disgnosed nymphomaniac, who was, other than that, a rather meek and reserved person, 95% of the time.
Also I guess for the record, I don’t consider myself ‘perverted’, just sex positive and I guess kinkier than your average
beartwink.This isn’t limited to sexual preferences, though. That’s just…peacocking, bragging because they want you to like them. People who like something for clout are often excessive in their bragging about it. The people who actually like a thing, sexual or otherwise, tend to integrate it and just enjoy that thing for themselves.
Unless you’re autistic, then everyone gets to know about it. But that’s noticeable too.
The difference is between saying, “I’m a freak in bed,” and “Let me tell you about this one super-niche part of the rope-play community and how it’s actually more of an art form than anything sexual.”
Well see thats the thing.
I am autistic.
Autistic people tend to only info dump when its either a very low stakes, close to anonymous environment… or, when they actually really really trust or admire someone. In the latter case, the infodumping itself is a sign that they basically like you, are comfortable with you.
To me, normies that peacock most or all of their personality… they just think their masks are themselves. They seem to barely even be aware of what they are doing.
Whats actually happening is that really, only the mask actually exists.
Theres not very much underneath, beyond basically the mindset of an immature child/teenager.
And that kind of a person, frankly, is so mentally childlike, that at least to me, I can’t be turned on by or sexually attracted to that… they’re just a child in an adult body. They have too little self awareness and self understanding for me to view them as a responsible adult capable of giving informed consent.
I get you.
The day you realize that you’re more than your mask can be earth-shattering. I still remember mine, and it took me another decade to start learning who I was behind it.
It’s like someone waking up from the matrix and you can’t date someone who’s still plugged in.
They’re the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
I encountered a woman once that talked about how freaky she was in bed, in a way that openly encouraged investigation.
Investigation commenced.
Turns out her idea of bein freaky was Doggy Style.
Yeah. Yep. Basically that is what I’m talking about.
Yeah, I’m sharing my own personal anecdote backing up your statement.
Sorry, tone is somewhat difficult to convey via text sometimes… I am basically trying to sigh in acknowledgement/agreement with you, lol.
Figured as much, was just making sure my position was clear. Have a good one :D
Likewise!
Depends on, some are extremely kinky/horny, some are just literal pickmes trying to better market themselves to what they think they will like. I knew one such pickme, se converted to fundamentalist christianity within a year.
Yeah, there does seem to a dynamic like that at play… a bunch of people just say shit about themselves, that they think will make other people like them.
It would be nice if people were actually self aware and honest, with both themselves and others, but apparently that isn’t the meta.
That being said… converting to fundamentalist Christianity?
That’s some legit insanity right there, either that or a person who is deeply insecure and needs validation/meaning imposed on them.
TL;DR: She at one point thought if she were a trad wife, she wouldn’t have to work. Then I disassociated myself from her, so I don’t know where she stood next.
Ah, excellent motivation and reasoning for reconfiguring your entire personality and life.
You dodged that bullet like an Agent in the Matrix, fuck.
Are you in the kink community? The girls i meet there are anything but vanilla.
No.
To the best of my knowledge there just isn’t one, in or near my current location, pretty solidly red, conservative area, and back when I was in a bluer area… well frankly back then I didn’t have any need to specifically join a community to try and find people interested in sex.
And/or if said community involves making something approximating a Facebook account, ahahaha fuck no, no I actually value Palantir and the NSA not knowing exactly who I’m fucking and precisely how.
A fetlife account is pretty much as anonymous as a Lemmy account. You might look up your area there and see what you can find. Living in a red area doesnt mean there aren’t kinky people. There ase plenty of right wing kinksters out there.
Well I’d prefer to avoid the right wing kinksters, but… fine. Fine, maybe the time has come to finally make a fetlife account… grumble grumble
From what I’ve been able to gather browsing through the not Craiglist personals in my area… most of it seems to be ~45 yo married couples looking for a black unicorn to cuck the husband, or single dudes looking for a transwoman.
Definitely not beating the stereotypes for a pretty solid red area…
deleted by creator
It’s the laziness that’s the worst. Someone not putting any effort in is insulting.
The dead fish position.
There should be a word between “perverted” and “promiscuous”.
Perverted to me seems to be limited to imagination and fantasy, while promiscuous is wanting to do anything and everything, depending on the degree of promiscuity.
Something in the middle would be best, for people who might do more things like rope or collars but not whippings and golden showers.
Oh, yeah I defo find myself in that bucket. I love Power play but i’ve no interest in “going too far down the kink hole”
Men have unique insecurities that are a result of socital expectations. We gaslight ourselves into conforming to a certain expected behavior. Many, if not most cishet men are afraid to explore their sexuality beyond that which is considered the heteronormative standard. Men are victims of the patriarchy as are everyone else.
Being good at sex is kinda gay, though
/s
As a cishet man, much to the contrary - the vast majority of my sexual insecurities come from shaming of my sexuality from more left wing spaces.
In what way? Genuinely curious.
We have porn for that. Which is 90% only for males.
Yep. I find the major thing holding me back from most kinks is exactly that; insecurity.
For what it’s worth, you’re not alone.
Wow, this community is a whole lot more supportive than I expected
The posts are shit… The advice is lit…
I’m glad to hear you say that. I hope you enjoy Lemmy. Welcome!
Everyone here speaks the universal language of shitposting. It would be irrational not to support each other!
And the corrollary to that, that even less people want to talk about, is that straight, traditional cis men and women will then mock and shame men who actually do try think outside the box.
So, many men are victims of patriarchy, and many women are perpetrators of patriarchy.
Then you get to the incredibly confusing ‘now’, where many women will claim to be a feminist, yet will also mock and shame men who do not conform to stereotypical cishet male lifestyle/relationship norms.
Actual feminism vs Pop feminism.
Actual feminism seeks to identify and challenge and critique societal gender roles and norms. All societal gender roles and norms.
Pop feminism is basically psuedo (meaning ‘impostor’ or ‘fake’) feminism, that pretty much just boils down to misandry, using a set of buzzwords and terms basically bastardized from actual feminism.
Being vanilla as I am feels like being one of those hipster guys that eats exclusively organic and buys only farmers market food
so… good?
no joke i used to be one of those dudes that thought i could keep going and never get tired until i met a woman one day that wore my ass out i think i was asleep for like 14 hours lmao shit was fucking wild
I dated a girl once who said she was into kinky shit and i thought pfft yeah yeah - she wanted to cut my dick while it was hard and suck the blood mixed with precum 😐
Good god, that’s way too extreme
Lol yeah she was pretty intense, but all my crazy sex stories come from her (was with her for 4 years). She even shat on me once lol after her i only dated vanilla girls
So, finish the story. Did you let her?
Only once, and i really didnt like it. Turns out im not into having my dick lightly sliced with a razor blade
lightly
OH, that’s far better than I expected.
I’ve seen a gore video where a man rubber-banded his dick and had someone else fully cut it off.
Also one who did it himself with hot blade.
But somehow it still made me less uncomfortable than the dude who stuck a couple of needles through his balls.Nullo culture exists
Quick, I need eye bleach right now
Thanks sir
A fellow victim of watching the pain-olympics I see
Try me
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
What if I drew them all myself?
deleted by creator
I mean if they bulk at rimming I doubt they’re going to be excited to chase me through the woods 🙄
My first date was to Folsom street fair and I lived in a sex dungeon for two years. There aren’t names for the things that get me off. I was asked, after the best orgasm of my life, ‘was that sex?’. I once made a state legislator who lived in San Francisco turn pale at an event.
But no, women aren’t kinky just because we don’t talk about it where men can hear because you’re all fucking obnoxious and the dumber ones still want to bang you people.
How did those 2 years go? Was it with health insurance and a good salary, or was it more of an after job thing?
Started off in desperation and affinity. Ended up hourly. I got real good with bleach.
Same. 100% same.
A friend thought she was edgy to throw rimming in a “never have I ever” as if it defined kink. Awww… Sweetie, that’s cute.
No shade intended but for my own curiosity what’s like a normal kinky thing or a very kinky thing? Ty
Had a girl pull out a full set of knives for “scraping and light cutting”. Never been more scaroused
I’d say three ways are pretty common, but trains and glory holes and the like get pretty kinky imo
Definitely goes much further down the rabbit hole but I’ve not gone that deep
scaroused
Fuck I’m using that term from now on. One of my girls loves knife play, and, well so much more.
Normal kinky is whatever you like that’s a step or two beyond vanilla missionary stuff. Intentional, deliberate stuff that requires a bit of trust. Or, at least, willingness to try something. Could be rimming or other butt stuff. Could be dressing up or light role play. Dirty talk. Threesomes. Spanking. Things like that. Things that most couples might try one or twice to satisfy curiosity.
Very kinky requires a lot of trust. Bondage. S&M. Knives. Group situations. Hugely demeaning public stunts. Glory holes. It’s consensual teamwork toward a deep, psychological goal.
i really don’t like “knives” in there
And yet, the people into it are all about it. Don’t yuck their yum. And it’s more of a scraping and almost-but-not cutting thing. Usually.
I’ve seen it done in an up close private performance. 100% not for me personally, but seeing it happen, hearing the scraping, seeing the woman go wild for it was amazing. I respect the discipline needed to do it right.
yeah no yucking, i didn’t mean it like “nobody should do it”, but like “i really don’t like that idea”
I dislike the notion that some people lay down of “oh that’s not kinky, what I do is kinky”. It’s not a competition, nobody gets points for being at some “level” of the game. A good kink gets you off HARD and you have an awesome time. It doesn’t have to be some fucking extreme thing where you have to have a bunch of tattoos, black leather, knives, ropes and all that shit. It can be that stuff, but it can be whatever dials up the fuck-o-meter to 11. Fetlife is full of people who want to gatekeep some shit. Every group has insular douchebags who want to say they are the expert. Fuck right off with all that shit.
100% agree, and we agree on the 27-axis spectrum graph.
Personally, I see it as the only real requirement is trust with a partner. That’s also an axis, but without full trust, the less socially acceptable stuff gets out of reach. Doesnt matter what it is, if you trust someone else to do a thing to get you off hard and ping that fuck-o-meter to 11, that’s key.
And gatekeepers of kinks are idiots. Telling people how they should enjoy getting off isn’t a kink itself, it’s asshole behavior.
Kink is weird. There are some things that are considered kinky but aren’t super kinky (biting, feet, degradation/praise, ect) that can be done with anyone if the vibe is right. Then there are kinky kinks that are a little less common and require more trust and familiarity to be done safely.
Kinky for me is to be tied down and have hot wax poured over me while I’m blindfolded. Or free use / cnc type stuff, being available 24/7 without word at literally anytime to be used as they please. Or ddlg / age regression with a daddy dom that extends outside of the bedroom.
I’ve never liked CNC sex. Feels more like masturbation with a safety officer. Prefer those kinds of tools be operated manually.
Kinky for me is to be tied down and have hot wax poured over me while I’m blindfolded. Or free use / cnc type stuff, being available 24/7 without word at literally anytime to be used as they please. Or ddlg / age regression with a daddy dom that extends outside of the bedroom.
Idk, I feel like these are still pretty vanilla. At least as far as the people in this thread are saying “I’m soooo kinky”.
Of course, this is all the societal hedonic treadmill in kink. All kink becomes vanilla eventually. But at this point I feel like it isn’t “real” kink unless it makes me queasy or say “what the fuck?” Like, furries, pet play, shit, piss, vomit, blood, asphyxiation, and sounding are “real” kink to me. Anything that boils down to basically “you’re in charge of me” or “you inflict pain on me” is pretty vanilla.
And then I’ve heard of being set on fire and sensory deprivation, which seems less like a kink and more like a silly experience / party trick
being set on fire
hot
I think it’s jaded to consider ddlg or cnc vanilla but idk man. I’m not here to gatekeep what is or isn’t kinky enough to be kinky, I’m just positing the model of distinction to be things that could be achieved with with a stranger through simple body language, and things that require more intent / communication/ set up to be achieved.
Being set on fire, feels more fetishistic / excentrism than kink to me but I’m not Mr Webster so idk.
Shibari is normal for me. That’s just my jam. Not into impact, blood, not super into choking, but can do it more-or-less safely if that’s what my partner enjoys receiving. No shit or piss (technically squirting is mostly pee, but somehow that’s okay). I like tying a partner up, blindfolding them, and then alternating between soft/erotic touch and riding crop/paddle/etc. Or tickling, but that’s one is a bit risky, since I had a partner that nearly dislocated a shoulder straining at the ropes. Feet are meh, biting is okay, wax seems like a pain to clean up.
Had a partner that really wanted to be ‘abducted’ and ‘raped’; never got around to it before we broke up. It would have been risky in a big city, but still…
deleted by creator
…Jesus.
Remind me to start getting negotiations on video…
Polite cough.
Do the math.
A man who can satisfy three women a day is a world class athlete.
A lazy woman can satisfy a dozen men between lunch and dinner.
shouldn’t it be: “A woman who can satisfy 3 men in a day is a slut.”
I shall show great restraint and dignity and not mention your mother
Eating pussy is tiring but not THAT tiring man
Strong jaw/tongue club member
Gotta sort the wheat from the chaff when it comes to guys.
Much easier for WLW, if a girl says she’s kinky then even if it’s at the gentle end it’s gonna be fun ;-)
Yeeeep. I’ve dated enough to realize how vanilla I am, hooooly shit. And I’m OKAY WITH IT. Ladies need Jesus for real.
😳😳😳
Yeah, I think I’m pretty vanilla myself. (Maybe a little cookie dough in there for variety, idk.) But there are some people in the kink community who are truly amazing. There are some shitty people in there too, but the good ones? Sterling. I’m proud to keep them in my circle of friends.
I some how managed to only date the most vanilla of vanilla. Lucky me /s
I used to be fairly well known on kink.com’s theupperfloor.com. One day during a live show, I, ade a particularly e il suggestion to do to the girls, and one of the Doms looked at the camera and said [myName], I like you! I want you to come visit! Then he sent me a DM and said he was serious and asked me to stick around after thr show,and we’d work oit details. I visited a month later and attended a party tjat was also a live show. Flogged several of the girls there, my girlfriend at the time and I also played there.
Later, I went to a kinky hiuse party and a woman came over to me and asked me to flog her with the big elk hide flogger I was showing off (That I happened to buy on that trip to San Francisco.) I ended up beating her ass and tits that night too. Then 18 months later, I married her.
I feel like a lot of straight men, self-proclaimed perverted or otherwise, fetishize virginity and a general lack of their partner having their own experiences, and a perverted woman runs rather contrary to that. It’s a lot of patriarchal power expectations.
Yeah exactly, memes like this suggest that women’s sexual fantasies are inherently more depraved because they appeal to their own tastes instead of to men’s.
This is a good point, I didn’t read it that way initially
Given the amount of hate a certain purple-coloured-username person gets around here, this statement is quite accurate.
Reading this thread I think the conclusion is that both men and women can consider themselves “perverted” but the bounds of what each consider “too extreme” is so different that they both think that the other side is just too kinky/disgusting.
Edit: or maybe I mean the other way around. People saying “yeah I’m kinky” and someone else going “eh, that’s nothing”. Two people both thinking two different things are extreme and then learning that mutually, both their extremes are considered tame by the other person.
There’s a point here somewhere about people never truly being on the same page with anyone outside themselves lol
Especially since kinks are typically explored in private and therefore not peer reviewed by our society lol draws crazy person kink explanation yarn board
