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am I the only one who finds what I do to deal with life is tough enough and can’t imagine adding to it. Its like I want to read the list but it also feels like it will be exhausting just to read.
breathe and speak slower, it helps you think about what you’re going to say, avoiding over sharing
I learned this through talking with my 100 year-old grandmother. She can’t hear well and I had to learn to speak slower and choose my words better.
Avoiding oversharing is so hard … a while back at an after-work dinner, after a couple of beers, people were sharing accounts of work social events that had got out of hand.
One guy had a story that his department had been labeled delinquents, after they had all got drunk and jumped in a lake … that sounded like my sort of crazy. So, I mentioned how my at-the-time girlfriend had been caught having sex with the CEO’s trophy wife at a work christmas party, which even at the time I thought was funny.
Well, that completely killed the conversation. In the past I’ve kept quiet, and then been asked why I’m not being sociable. It would appear I can’t win :-/
Tbf I wouldnt count those two as comparable.
Maybe it seemed so in the situation but reading it like this in a vacuum…Not equal at all.I don’t really understand why, but ok. See, this is why socialising is difficult for me :-/
One is cheeky social fun with mates, the other involves multiple taboo and touchy subjects (specially in corporate spaces). Like sex and hierarchy and cheating.
it’s so hard to avoid it cause it doesn’t sound any wrong in our minds
That and, apparently, my idea of what’s normal is very different from most of society.
I didn’t realise how much of a problem this can be for me until I read this comment. I’m gonna try to implement these changes ASAP.
I literally read this in my head with an overly-fast excited voice lol
Whoa … slow down and breathe
but but gotta go fast!!!
Rapid breathing also directly causes anxiety, it flips your physical flight or fight button and your brain doesn’t know why so you get anxiety. It’s why yoga and meditation are so frequently suggested as aids to help relieve anxiety
These are the things that help me: Earplugs. I prefer these ones https://www.amazon.ca/3M-Non-corded-Disposable-Earplugs-Pairs/dp/B000I7LH8Y but you might have some luck with Loops as well. I would like those except they don’t fit one of my ears very well.
Light-filtering Glasses. Sunglasses are good for outdooes, but I also have a pair of FL-41 coated glasses. They are meant for migraine sufferers, but I swear they make processing easier when I wear them. https://www.theraspecs.com/fl-41-glasses/
Stop trying to live your life according to the standard, accepted template. It’s really important to decide what you value in life and reject the judgments of others. You have to figure out how to be okay with, or enjoy, being outcast. It’s not so bad once you figure that out. https://www.amazon.ca/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1668069539
Try custom molded earplugs if you like wearing them frequently. I have to wear them at work, and was tired of them getting dirty and throwing them out. I’ve been wearing the same pair of custom molded plugs for years now. Just wash them with hand soap whenever they get dirty, and they’re good as new. They are also much more comfortable than the ones that rely on expansion to stay in place.
https://www.amazon.ca/Radians-Custom-Molded-Earplugs-Red/dp/B002XULPSQ
Is that why I love my over-ear headphones so much‽ I got them to minimise background noise for music production lol. Explains why I want to wear them even if I don’t feel like listening to anything at that moment.
I’m okay with being an outcast, but I want some outcast friends :/
I would love to wear more earplugs, but no matter what I do, I always seem to get ear infection after wearing them.
The best one so far was sitting down with my spouse and making lists:
- default grocery list
- 2nd list with low effort meal components in case we can’t manage to cook. (A few are kept in the house but this is more for one to pick up for the other in times if need).
- priority chore list, including which ones we need both to keep an eye on because consequences of forgetting are too high, such as making sure credit cards are paid and the foundation drain system is checked.
This means if one of us just can’t the other has a list of things they can take over, they know what can be dropped so they don’t also get overwhelmed, as well as a list of items to grab to help the other meet their needs.
Another one that is very helpful is the ability to pause conversations and come back to them when we’re more able to participate. We agree that conflicts and other serious discussions require us both to be able to listen and understand. If we can’t do that, we are wasting time, getting stressed out, etc. We let the other know, and maybe throw it in the calendar to make sure we don’t forget.
I only speak to people when I’m not upset. If I get upset, I need at least 30 mins alone to calm down and if you try to communicate with me during that, you’ll have a bad time. I also need time to prepare for and recover from social situations or overstimulating situations. Just those two have made a world of difference. I should also add that I have AuDHD, so it’s a bit different than people with only autism.
Rejecting society standard about “good living habits” and just do what I can
Years before I had the bulbs (or self-awareness) to do this, but dim the lights, switch to wall lights / upside-down ceiling lampshades, kill the lights… and suddenly I’m not constantly a bunch of seething snakes
I look at and treat humanity as if I’m observing and interacting with wild animals.
I also look at and treat all non-human chordates the way other people deal with people
I think a lot of us do this already, but I regain energy by spending time with my special interests and by stimming. I need to do both daily while being alone.
I also like to be with my family, but I also really need that alone time when I can shake my legs and fidget and read about bats or something.
Constantly reminding myself that if people do something all the time, I should be able to do it. I just need to figure out how they’re doing it as the first step. Yeah I still embarrass myself sometimes but it’s taken me a lot further than just avoiding doing things or ducking assignments because I was afraid of the consequences of not knowing what to do.
Consistently working out, the routine and predictably of it is surprisingly good for the mental side. It has done wonders for my emotional regulation and actually learning to notice emotions in my body, kinda like mindfulness meditation. Under the barbell i am forced to focus on my body and how my body reacts and moves, even after working out. Figuring out how my body functions as i was never handed a manual to run it.
Every time i bend over or squat down to pick something up, the weakened muscles remind themselves and once again force me to focus on my body making memmore aware of it or just flex, not for showing off reasons. Just for my own pleasure.Of course the physical side is an added benefit as well.
It has become the highlight of my day and i am in a worse mood if i miss it or it gets disrupted, which is rare.
Added benefit is that others are assuming I’m highly disciplined as well.
I love lifting heavy because I simply cannot think about anything while under the weight.
For my adhd, slowing down. Taking slower options not always getting there as quickly as possible
Absolutely! Currently trying to help my kids to understand how much of a life-changer this is.
Every morning I listen to a radio program. From monday to friday, the program follows the same schedule so I know without having to lool at any watch, what am I doing during my morning routine. I kno’ at what part of the program I brush my teeth, or heat the water for the tea, or do my skincare or leave the house.
Since the program is well structured and punctual, my schedule for the morning is well organized, I don’t skip any step of it and am always on time. Something extremely important for me as if my morning routine fails for whatever reason, the rest of the day is guaranteed to be a mess.
I also have a shower playlist. My showers last 3 minutes, 4 tops. Having a playlist of songs no longer than 4 minutes, makes me know if I’m on time or I should already leave the shower.
Also, as others recommended, earplugs for when you need noise reduction. I use the Loop Switch ones as I can switch control the level of noise reduction with a small switch on them without having to take them off.
I do this by having a whole bunch of alarms set every certain period of time like 10 minutes or half an hour or whatever. And when the alarm goes off, I know where I should be in my schedule so I know if I’m running fast or if I’m running late. I hate rushing so this method really helps keep me on track and calm.
I second the noise canceling device; for me personally, I got the QuietOn 4, which are basically glorified earplugs with ANC for 200€. I use them for sleep, but together with my overear ANC headphones I can make my surrounding world genuinely quiet. The baby crying in the train is like a whisper, the car driving by isn’t really noticeable, and regular talking gets blended out almost completely. I managed to sleep in a bus with a combination of these two; while one ANC layer on their own isn’t really enough, if you combine two I can create a quietness bubble around me. Absolutely 100% worth it, it is really as amazing as it sounds.
Leave your phone on do-not-disturb, and inform anyone you give your number to that the phone is always on DND so they shouldn’t expect you to answer or have an immediate response.
Never debate anything with strangers on the Internet. It’s just a waste of time, as in the best case scenario nothing actually changes. It’s not worth the time, frustration, emotional toll or being the target of insults. Just tell anyone looking to argue with you that they’re right, that they’re always right without exception, and then walk away.
I enjoy debating things online sometimes. I get satisfaction from laying out my argument for what I think, and often it helps me identify and challenge my own hypocrisies. I don’t expect to be able to change the other person’s mind, but it has helped me change my own beliefs for the better. And I like to think it can persuade others who hadn’t given it much thought before.
It really depends on who the Internet randomly assigns you to debate with. Yes, you can get a knowledgeable, polite and pragmatic person who will help you find flaws in your own logic. More often than not, though, you’ll face off against people who will call you a cultist, say you’re an idiot, question your abilities, and/or tell you to fuck off.
That’s why I think debating is better done in person, with people you know at least tangentially. They’re less likely to be raging jerks, and if they are, you can avoid them in the future. On the Internet, those jerks will follow you everywhere on the platform and hound you.
Amongst my coworkers we tell each other to “Stay sane”.
Sane = smile and nod, escapeI’ve turned off read receipts on signal and feel so much less pressure to instantly reply to things and always be available
You can just fucking do that?
On signal, under the privacy settings you have these options. It means I can’t see when people have read my messages but they can’t see when I’ve read theirs. They’ll know because I’ll respond when I have time. It stopped me cowering from my messages and keeping them hanging around as notifications.
High five, thank you!
ear plugs. life changing.
